Lois: Come down now!
Malcolm: Reese, give me your pocket knife.
Reese: Okay. But if you miss her, you'll only make her madder.
[Malcolm uses the knife to jam the platform door shut. He then continues spray painting.]
Dewey: What are you doing?
Reese: Hold on. I know that look. He's using his brain.

Malcolm: It's gonna be okay, Dad.
Hal: It's a very special moment when a father watches his boys lie to their mother for him. There's only one thing that could make this moment prouder. If one of you could saw off my leg.
Reese: Don't worry, Dad. We'll get your knee taken care of.
Hal: I told you. We have no medical insurance. There's no way.
Reese: Dad. This is what we do.

Dewey: But I'm cooking. Mom and Dad are going out for their anniversary and they're letting me pick dinner.
Reese: I'm not eating cereal for dinner!
Dewey: Yes, you are. Dad said if I emptied out the rat traps in the crawl space, then I get to pick dinner.
Reese: That's funny. He didn't consult me, seeing as I have the fist and you have the face.

Reese: Mom!
Dewey: You're not supposed to yell in the store.
Reese: [flicks Dewey's head] Not supposed to do that either. Life's funny that way.

Reese: Dinner and the limo were fantastic, and your parents were delightful. You didn't tell me that they were Asian, too.

Lois: Boys, I want to talk to your father alone.
Reese: So, you've got a bedroom. We're eating. [off Lois's look] Just kidding, we're leaving.