Jill: I'm sorry. I know that this is hard for you. I remember when my sister hit her teens. She was doing all this interesting stuff that I wished I was doing.
Randy: Well, like what?
Jill: Well, she got her own room. She started wearing makeup, shaving her legs. Can you imagine how I felt when she got to wear a bra and I was still wearing a dorky undershirt?
Randy: Yeah, I can. When do you think I'll get to wear a bra, Mom?
Jill: OK. OK, that's probably not the greatest example.

Molly: I'm looking for Randy Taylor.
Randy: There's no Randy Taylor here.
Molly: And who are you?
Randy: A kid.
Molly: That's strange. Dr. Taylor's gotta be here because I just sent him something to this address.
Randy: Uh... He moved out yesterday and we moved in today. Bye.
Molly: I don't see any moving boxes.
Randy: Well, uh... we're a circus family. We unpack fast.
Molly: Did Dr. Taylor leave a forwarding address?
Randy: Uh... no, but he mentioned joining the Peace Corps in China.
Molly: That seems very strange.
Randy: Well, not really. They're having a big acne epidemic in Beijing.

Randy: Good work, Dad. It's so quiet, you can't even tell it's running.
Tim: It's the solenoid, I think.
Jill: Hey, guys. How's it going?
Randy: Dad's taking a ride in the hot rod. Hey, Dad, slow down! Let Mom get in!
Tim: I'm telling you, please pipe down.
Randy: Uh-oh, there's someone on your tail. Is it Bob Vila? No, it's a little kid on a tricycle.
Tim: Would you shut up?

Tim: You guys didn't tell her, did you?
Randy: No. We thought it'd be more fun to watch you tell her.
Tim: Well, you might have to wait a little bit, 'cause I'm not gonna tell her for a while.
Brad: I don't know. Mom's pretty smart. As the weeks go by, she's gonna notice she doesn't have a car.
Randy: And then when she does, you'll have to tell her you totaled it.
Tim: No, no, no. It's a classic. You don't really total a classic. I can rebuild it from the existing parts, you know. Until I figure out how long that's gonna take me, I don't think we should tell Mom.
Randy: OK. Then we also don't have to tell her that we got kicked off the bus today.
Tim: Wait a minute. Wait! Whoa, whoa! What do you mean, you got kicked off the bus?
Brad: Well, let's just say there was an unfortunate incident involving some glue and Vinny McGurn's butt crack.
Randy: As of three o'clock, he's closed for business.

Brad: Al won't be there. So I'm gonna be Dad's new assistant.
Randy: You?
Brad: Yeah. And not only that, I get to hang out with Heidi. I'll probably get her phone number.
Tim: Back the hormones up. I don't want to have to bring the fire department in to hose you down.
Randy: No big deal for them. They're usually there anyway.

Tim: My hot rod!
Randy: You always said you wanted a snowmobile.

Brad: Uh-oh. A ladder, exposed wires, and Dad.
Randy: No good can come from this.

Brad: Uh-oh. Food, a pot, and Mom.
Randy: No good can come from this.

Jill: You know what my problem is?
Tim: No. But I bet we're gonna talk about it.
Jill: I am the kind of person who is so eager to fix things that I don't take my time, and then they just blow up in my face.
Randy: You married the right guy.

Tim: Son, your new basement room. Step in.
Randy: Whoa, Dad! This is great! A boy's bunker, a lad's pad, a kid's castle...
Tim: Hey, Randy. It's my show, OK?