Lillian: I brought you a surprise.
Jill: Oh, Mom! You made your special bread pudding.
Lillian: Well, when you were a little girl, it always made you feel better.
Jill: Oh, bread pudding's so good. What was that secret ingredient you use?
Lillian: Bread.

Lillian: I felt exactly the same way when I went through menopause.
Jill: You did?
Lillian: Yes. I remember being around all those young women and seeing how all the men looked at them. And I felt like I couldn't turn a head if my hair was on fire.
Jill: Well...
Lillian: I thought because my body had changed, I was less of a woman.
Jill: And what did you do?
Lillian: Well, one day I sat down and looked in the mirror, and I took stock of myself. And I realized I had my looks, my health, my brains, four beautiful daughters. And the best part is no PMS.
Jill: Or periods.
Lillian: Or cramps.
Jill: That's true.

Jill: I made my hamburger casserole for dinner tonight.
Tim: We got bigger problems than that. Did you watch Tool Time today?
Jill: Working on the thesis.
Tim: Wilson wouldn't go with our design. Instead, he wants to build some 32-foot Victorian monstrosity in his yard. I swear the guy's gone construction-crazy.
Jill: It's funny how you recognize the symptoms in others.

Jill: Well, the business is just ruining your whole life. You haven't slept in weeks.
Tim: Well, it's working though. I've been getting a lot of new customers in the store.
Jill: Yeah. But, honey, at what cost? The more customers you get, the harder you have to work. It's affecting your whole life, you know? Your family, your work, your health, my sex life.
Tim: You're not thinking of calling Eddie, are you?
Jill: No. It's his turn to call me.

Brad: [on tape] Hey, Mom. How was your day?
Jill: [on tape] You really want to know how my day was?
Brad: [on tape] Not really.
Jill: Uh-oh.
Tim: What?
Jill: [on tape] Well, it was going great until I had this awful conference with this horribly arrogant professor of mine.
Jill: Please don't mention his name! Please don't mention his name!
Tim: You didn't, you didn't, you didn't.
Jill: [on tape] Dr. Hanover.
Tim: You did!
Jill: [on tape] He's a pompous jackass, you know? He's smug, he's didactic. And what is the deal with men, you know, and their comb-overs? I mean, this one would start at his neck and stretch across. Hideous thing.
Brad: Good one. [laughs]

Jill: I was just wondering what you thought of my thesis.
Wilson: Oh, yes. The thesis, yes. Well, that was a very interesting rewrite. I thought your use of comparative symbolism had a certain textural resonance that really...
Jill: You think it blows.
Wilson: Like a Nor'easter. You know, to tell you the truth, Jill, I actually preferred the original version.
Jill: So did I. But Dr. Hanover hated it, you know? And I have to make these changes whether I believe in them or not.
Wilson: You know, your situation reminds me of Walking Naked.
Jill: Good night, Wilson.

Jill: I've, um, finished all my revisions.
Dr. Hanover: I look forward to reading it.
Jill: Dr. Hanover, I've tried to incorporate all of your notes. But, frankly, I just couldn't make some of them work.
Dr. Hanover: Pity.
Jill: May I?
Dr. Hanover: Oh, please. Yes.
Jill: Look, I don't mean to be disrespectful. I could only write this in a way that makes sense to me. And I think you might have been overly critical of my work.
Dr. Hanover: Why? Because you called me a pompous jackass with a bad comb-over?
Jill: I am so, so sorry.
Dr. Hanover: Me, too. When my wife heard what you said, she came after me with an Epilady. [Jill gasps]

Dr. Hanover: Just wait till you get out in private practice and you have to deal with what's inside people's heads.
Jill: If I can't deal with male pattern baldness, what am I gonna do when I get people who think they're Elvis?
Dr. Hanover: I always make them a fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich. Jill, you're gonna be a fine psychologist. And I'm sure, in time, you'll learn not to be thrown by the unexpected.
Jill: Thank you, Dr. Hanover. And when you've read my revisions, I'll be ready to defend them.
Dr. Hanover: Jill, before you go, can I get your professional opinion on something?
Jill: Oh, certainly. Yes.
Dr. Hanover: [puts on a grey wig] What do you think of this?
Jill: You can wear it, but can you defend it?
Dr. Hanover: Touché.

Brad: Did the mail come in yet?
Jill: No.
Brad: Gosh, you'd think the post office is trying to torture me. I mean, they know I'm waiting on these college acceptance letters and all of a sudden the mail's coming late.
Jill: Well, it's all a diabolical plot masterminded by the CIA, the FBI and Bill Gates.
Brad: Really?
Mark: And you're going to college?

Dr. Hanover: Well, he liked the idea of hiring a post-graduate student. And he wanted someone with life experience.
Jill: This is so great. You can't imagine how good the timing is...
Dr. Hanover: Well, there is one thing that you should know.
Jill: How much money will I be making?
Dr. Hanover: Excuse me?
Jill: Cash. Dollars. How much will I be pulling down?
Dr. Hanover: Jill, people don't usually take these entry-level jobs for the money.
Jill: Oh. Oh, of course not. But I might eventually make, say, what you make?
Dr. Hanover: People don't take my job for the money.