Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Benny: Tool Time.
Heidi: That's right. Binford Tools is on location with Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

Heidi: So, guys, enjoy your next two weeks off.
Tim: You doing something special?
Heidi: Only taking my dream vacation - island-hopping in the Caribbean. How about you?
Tim: "Only taking my dream vacation..." Me and the hot rod in the garage.

Tim: Welcome back to Tool Time and our entertaining look at fiberglass and its resin.
Al: While we're waiting for our resin to dry, why don't we go to our question and answer section?
Heidi: All right, who has a question? Yes, sir?
Gus: Has your swimsuit calendar come out?
Heidi: It just went on sale in the Tool Time gift shop.
[Gus and a bunch of other guys in the audience rush for the exit]
Tim: Can we wait till after the show, fellas?
Men: Aw!

Tim: And welcome back to Tool Time.
Al: Today we're going to be restoring antique picture frames. Because under an ugly exterior sometimes you can find a true beauty.
Tim: [chuckles] That's not the case... Oh, never mind. OK, Al. And to help us out today we have a very special guest. The Grand Marshal of the Great American Parade. He doesn't like me too much, but evidently, he likes Tool Time a lot. That's why he's here. Let's give a warm welcome - can you believe it - to Rodney Dangerfield.
Rodney Dangerfield: [to Heidi] Here, honey. Buy the rest of that dress, will ya?
Tim: Over here, Rodney.
Rodney Dangerfield: Ooh, could she break up a happy home.

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: Tool Time!
Heidi: That's right. Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor and Al "The most sensitive guy in the world" Borland! Woo-hoo!

Heidi: Stay in the shower, Al. I got it. [answers phone] Good morning. Borland residence.
Tim: [goofy voice] Uh, wrong number. Bye-bye.
Al: [o.s.] Who was it?
Heidi: It sounded like one of the Muppets.

Al: Uh, Heidi... Uh, can I just talk to you about one thing?
Heidi: Sure. What?
Al: Well, after that night you stayed at my house, Tim got this crazy idea that, that you and I might have... How do I say this?
Heidi: Slept together.
Al: Yeah. OK. Yeah, that's it. And he just thought that was impossible because he doesn't think a beautiful woman like you could ever be interested in, in a guy like me.
Heidi: Oh, is that so? Well, let me tell you something, Al. If I weren't married, you're exactly the type of guy I'd be looking for.
Al: Thank you. I wish, I wish Tim could hear you say that.
Heidi: You know, I don't think Tim really needs to hear anything. [kisses Al]

Heidi: Hey, Tim! We're almost unpacked.
Tim: Great.
Heidi: I can't wait to get on that river. It's gonna be total gnar.
Cub: That means big bad whitewater.
Heidi: Oh, yeah.
Cub: Sounds like you've been up and down the river a few times.
Heidi: That was before I was married.

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: Tool Time!
Heidi: That's right! Tim, Tim, he's our man! If he can't fix it, Big Al can! [continues cheerleading]
Tim: Heidi. Thank you, Heidi. Thank you. Thank you, Heidi.

Tim: I don't get it. We've been driving around for 20 minutes. Where is everybody?
Al: Maybe nobody has anything broken.
Tim: Something is always broken, Al.
Heidi: Guys, we forgot something.
[As the Tool Time theme plays from the van, a bunch of guys excitedly run towards it with their tools]