Scott: So you guys know about Wendy. I don't know what to say.
Tim: Well, I bet you know what to say when you're working on Wendy's float bowls.
Heidi: Wendy? Wendy Reynolds. Scott, what's going on with you and Wendy?
Antonio: I'm guessing he's stuffing the cannoli. I'll give you two more minutes to decide.

Heidi: You slept with Wendy Reynolds.
Scott: It was months ago before she left the station, when you and I were separated.
Heidi: Scott, we were separated three weeks!
Scott: I didn't know what I was doing. I was lonely. I was miserable.
Heidi: I was lonely. I was miserable. But do I jump in the sack with Tim?

Al: Well, in the past, Harry's Hardware has been known for its personal service.
Heidi: That's true. Every time I shop there, people drop whatever they're doing to help me. Even the ones that don't work there.

Al: Next you want to put in your chili mix.
Tim: Right. And a manly jalapeño pepper. Now, if there's women-folk partaking, you might want to go easy.
Heidi: Oh, please!
Al: Now, you want to let this stew for about a day.
Brant Von Hoffmann: But we have a pot here all ready for tasting.
Heidi: That's right.
Tim: Oh, yeah.
Heidi: Okay. Oh, clumsy me.
[After Heidi knocks some utensils off the cabinet, the guys all bend down to help her out. Heidi empties the bowl of jalapeño pepper into the chili.]
Heidi: Okay, here you go, boys.
Brant Von Hoffmann: Thank you.
Heidi: Oh, I'm sorry... "Men."
Todd Von Hoffmann: Al! Al, not with a spoon. Always eat three-alarm chili with a saltine.
Al: Absolutely!
Brant Von Hoffmann: That's right.
Heidi: I upped it to eight-alarm just to weed out the men from the boys.

Heidi: Hello. And a big Binford welcome back to Binford's Tool Time.
Tim: You may have noticed a little change in the set here. Well, Binford has to put its name on practically everything.
[As Heidi walks away, the Binford logo is printed on the back of her shorts]

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: Tool Time!
Heidi: That's right! Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Binford Tool Man" Taylor!
Tim: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Binford's Heidi. I am Tim "The Binford Tool Man" Taylor, and of course, you all know my assistant Al "Binford" Borland.
Al: Thank you.

Sue: I'm so sick of your crappy repairs! And I'm sick of you!
Heidi: You know, ma'am, if you would just...
Sue: Oh, pipe down, Bones! [pushes past Heidi]

Brad: So, how come your husband's not here? Problems at home?
Heidi: No. He's away on an assignment.
Brad: Well, if you were my wife, I wouldn't leave you alone.
Heidi: Well, I'm not your wife and you still won't leave me alone.