Harry: You know, if a woman like Nancy could go for a dog like Marty...
Marty: Now I'm a dog?
Harry: Well then you know Jill could go for a guy like Chris.
Tim: You guys are probably right. She's having an affair with the guy, and then just to top it off she brings the guy back here to meet me and my friends.
Benny: She's real shrewd. I'll give her that.

Tim: Hey, guys.
All: Hey!
Harry: Good to see you, man! Hey, get him a cup of coffee and a bear claw.
Al: He takes sugar in that coffee.
Benny: My pleasure. It would be an honor to serve my best friend.
Marty: Does me being your best friend have anything to do with having season tickets?
Benny: The two things are not unrelated.

Tim: Delores, I'll take the Bulls.
Benny: I'll go with you.
Marty: If you got the Bulls, I'm taking Houston.
Benny: I'll go with you.
Nick: I want Phoenix.
Benny: I'll go with you.
Nick: I don't even know you.
Benny: Who really knows anybody?

Marty: Man, is it great having the hardware store back.
Benny: What a relief. I was this close to looking at the want ads.

Marty: Hey, Benny! How are you doing?
Benny: All right.
Marty: What do you got there?
Benny: Well, I was a little hungry and it was sample day at the supermarket. Care for an imitation crab puff?
Marty: [laughs] No. I'm allergic. I get imitation hives.

Benny: Excuse me. [answers phone] Hello. Yeah, Skipper. Keep praying. Yeah, what's the spread on the Lions game? All right. Put me down for 200 bucks on Kansas City. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. [hangs up] [chuckles] OK, let's chow down.
Jill: Benny, a person who is destitute shouldn't be gambling.
Benny: I agree. What does that have to do with me?
Tim: Well... The truth is, Randy and I saw you last night at the soup kitchen.
Benny: What were you doing there?
Tim: Well, Randy's helping out. What were you doing there?
Benny: I like the soup.
Jill: You like the soup?
Al: That's despicable. You're stealing food from the needy.
Benny: I don't steal it. I pay for it with my tax dollars.
Tim: What tax dollars? You haven't had a job in years.

Tim: I'm glad you're still here, Benny.
Benny: Where else would I go? Who would want Benny Baroni?
Tim: Why would anybody want you, Benny? You do such sleazy things sometimes.
Benny: I don't mean any harm by it. It's just my nature.
Tim: Yeah. What do you do at Christmas time, steal something from the Salvation Army?
Benny: What would I want with a little bell?

Tim: Benny, have you ever heard the phrase "giving something back?"
Benny: I've heard of it. I don't know what it means.
Tim: Well, it means taking the time to think about other people. People that are really less fortunate than you are.
Benny: I guess I shouldn't have taken soup from people who really need it.
Tim: That's right.
Benny: I shouldn't mooch off of Harry and you... ...every supermarket chain in the greater Detroit area.
Tim: And parts of Toledo.

Benny: Let's go, guys. I've got rent to pay.
Harry: You don't pay rent. You mooch off your aunt.
Benny: It was a figure of speech.
Tim: Right up there with, "My wallet's in the car."

Tim: Harry called me, said my saw blade was in. Where is Harry?
Al: He's home with a nasty bug.
Tim: What, a parasite?
Benny: Close. Delores.
Al: He's home with the flu.