Benny Baroni Quotes Page 5 of 6
Quote from Believe It or Not
Tim: Do you guys think that alien life exists?
Benny: I hope so. That way I'd have a chance with another species.
Marty: Yeah. I can see it now. You're gently holding her eight-fingered hand.
Tim: While you stare into that one big eye.
Marty: And try to figure out which set of lips to kiss.
Benny: I know you're messing with me, but I'm still getting a little hot.
Quote from Believe It or Not
Wilson: You know, I didn't come to this hardware store to be ridiculed.
Benny: Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable at Larry's Hardware. Today's their "going out of orbit" sale.
Quote from From Top to Bottom
Harry: What are you writing, Benny?
Benny: A birthday note to my mom. How do you spell I.O.U.?
Quote from From Top to Bottom
Tim: She's on that talk show, Talk to Me. The segment's called Women on Top.
Benny: That was a video, wasn't it?
Barbra Canfield: [on TV] And welcome to Talk to Me. Today's topic is Women on Top. We'll meet women who had it all, gave it up, got it back, and are doing it better than ever.
Benny: Ooh, this looks good.
Quote from Thanks, but No Thanks
Marty: Hey, Tim.Can't talk. New job. Gotta go! [exits]
Tim: Call me later! What's his new job?
Harry: He's working down at Stu's Fish Market deveining shrimp.
Tim: Why's his hair all wet?
Benny: Uh, sometimes they fight back.
Harry: No, no, no. He's helping me test out some of those new high-powered shower heads. The Binford 6100.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a great thing. You switch it over to pulse, it'll blow the hair right off your legs.
Quote from Thanks, but No Thanks
Tim: Wait a minute. Our family always spends Thanksgiving together. Now Marty's going to your house for Thanksgiving. He's taking a shower in the hardware store. Guys, what's up?
Benny: I'm not at liberty to say.
Tim: There's a donut in it for you.
Benny: Marty and Nancy split up and Marty's sleeping at the store. [eats donut]
Tim: I knew they were having trouble, but how did it come to this?
Benny: Well, in my view, Nancy projected repressed paternal conflicts onto the relationship, while Marty was still grappling with intimacy issues.
Tim: You watch too much Oprah.
Quote from A Hardware Habit to Break
Marty: I don't know how Harry does it. I mean, it's impossible to move merchandise at these prices.
Benny: I have a theory.
Marty: Let me guess. Harry had a better selection of donuts.
Benny: Yes. But that's not my point.
Tim: What is your point, Benny?
Benny: Well, people had a long-standing relationship with Harry, so they were willing to pay more. Once Harry left, people didn't have to feel guilty about switching to Tool Mart.
Tim: I never thought I'd say this. Benny's right.
Benny: I know I'm right. I bought a faucet at Tool Mart this morning. Saved myself a bundle.
Quote from Dead Weight
Jill: Oh, hey, Benny.
Benny: What a solemn occasion.
Tim: I know.
Benny: Jujube?
Jill: Benny, don't you think it's a little inappropriate to be passing out snacks at a funeral?
Benny: You're right. [weepy] I'm a bad boy.
Tim: You know, honey, you are ruining this funeral for everybody.
Quote from The Long and Winding Road (Part 3)
Jill: Oh, look. Trudy looks so beautiful.
Benny: The minister's starting. All bets are down.