Tim: Hey, Benny. Good to see you.
Benny: Timmy.
Tim: Did you ever get that metal sliver out of your eye?
Benny: Yeah, I took your advice, Tim. I used a magnet.

Harry: What else can I get for you, Tim? Some nuts? Some bolts?
Tim: No, I don't think so. I came in looking for needle-nose pliers. Mine are missing.
Felix: That's funny. This morning I couldn't find my pipe wrench.
Benny: If this keeps up, I'm organizing a neighborhood tool watch.

Harry: Anyway, my brother, Larry, he wants to sell his 20% share. So for $15,000 you could be my silent partner.
Benny: [mouth full] Hey. How come you didn't ask me?
Tim & Harry: What?
Benny: How come you didn't ask me?
Tim: Benny, you gotta have some money.
Benny: Oh, yeah. Money.

Al: Well, I thought I'd keep the freeloaders from coming in here and drinking all our coffee.
Benny: Good idea.
Tim: Benny, I believe the freeloaders he's talking about is you.
Benny: Get outta here.
Al: I'm just saying that just to be fair, everybody should pay 50 cents for their coffee.
Harry: Al, lighten up.
Benny: Hey, I'm no freeloader. I'll buy my own coffee. Harry, can I bum 50 cents?
Harry: Sure thing. Here you go, Benny. [hands Benny coins from the register]
Benny: Here you go, Al. [hands coins to Al]
Al: Here you go, Harry. [hands coins to Harry]
Harry: Thanks, Al. [puts the coins back in the register]

Al: All right, let's go. We told Jill we'd leave after the first touchdown.
Benny: We can't go now, it's just getting exciting.
Tim: No, you gotta go now. Come on. Come on. Jill's gotta get back in bed, guys.
Benny: All right, she can have the bed. But we get the TV.
Tim: Listen, this is not a hostage situation. Come on, guys.

Tim: I got another TV. We'll watch this down in the den.
Harry: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you nuts? You expect us to watch the biggest game of the year on the world's smallest TV do you?
Tim: I'll have you know the reception on here is great. Look at this. Huh? Huh? Look at the pass. Look at that.
Benny: Unbelievable. He must have thrown the ball a quarter of an inch.

Heidi: Hey, that was a really great show.
Al: Thank you, Heidi. You know, on these location Tool Times, sometimes I feel the audience gets to see the real Al.
Benny: If you don't zip up your fly, the real Al's gonna make a personal appearance. [laughs]

Tim: There was a gas leak at his Aunt's house and we tried to fix it, and there was an explosion.
Jill: Oh, Benny, I'm so sorry.
Tim: So I said until we figure out what we should do, he should stay here.
Benny: Don't worry. Tim said he's gonna fix up the house better than new. And I won't be an imposition. You won't even know I'm here.
Jill: Exactly, how long won't we know that you're here?
Tim: A couple of days.
Benny: Indefinitely.

Jill: [o.s.] That must be Chris! I'll get it!
Al: Who's Chris?
Tim: Some woman in Jill's psych class who's driving her to the book discussion group.
Benny: Hey, I like brainy chicks. You think she'd date me?
Jill: Guys, this is Chris.
Benny: On second thought, I don't need a date that bad.

Al: I've had many relationships with women who were just friends.
Benny: Yeah, but not by your choice.