Miss Patty: Okay, now, for those who just arrived, I'm trying out some material for my one-woman show and I need some feedback. You are my randomly picked audience.
Dean: Randomly shang-hai'ed.
Miss Patty: It's part stories, part songs. Kind of like what Elaine Stritch did on Broadway, but without the bitterness. My working title: Buckle Up, I'm Patty.

Miss Patty: Lorelai, darling, thank you for everything.
Lorelai: Patty, your timing is excellent. There's Claude over there. Want me to do some matchmaking?
Miss Patty: Oh, he's wearing a golf shirt and cotton Dockers.
Lorelai: So it was the uniform, huh?
Miss Patty: Oh, it's the Biloxi Naval Base all over again.

Miss Patty: You look wonderful. If I had known that college was so good for the complexion, I might have cracked a book open when I was younger.
Rory: Oh, thanks.

Miss Patty: One, two, three. It's a waltz, ladies. Susie, do you have to tinkle? Then uncross your legs, darling. Oh, Rory, good. I think I found a job for your male friend.
Lorelai: What male friend?
Miss Patty: They need a stock boy at the supermarket. I already talked to Taylor Doose about him. You just send him around tomorrow.
Rory: Okay, thanks.
Lorelai: What male friend?
Miss Patty: Oh, he's very cute. You have good taste. [to her students] Hands in the air, not in the nose.

Miss Patty: And walk. And walk. And pump your arms and walk. And shoulders back, tuchis in. Think about that double chin. And walk. And walk. And tummies tight and walk. Match me, sweetheart.

Miss Patty: Now, walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be any more books. [to Lorelai] Now that's how you should've dressed this morning, missy.

Miss Patty: Rory! Hello. Try a plum. They're better than sex.
Rory: No, thanks.
Miss Patty: Fresh fruit always has such a sensuality about it. Are you too young for this?
Rory: Definitely.

Miss Patty: I'm Patricia Lacosta. We just love your daughter and granddaughter.
Emily: Thank you.
Miss Patty: [to Richard] My God, you're a tall specimen of a man. Must be all that good air in Hartford.

Miss Patty: Lorelai, what a nice surprise so early in the morning. So how's things?
Lorelai: You know, don't you?
Miss Patty: Yes, and I feel awful. I feel completely responsible.
Lorelai: Well, you should.
Miss Patty: Well, I got Dean that job, and I certainly encouraged them. I felt they were so right together.
Lorelai: Miss Patty, please don't say anything to Rory about it. She's a little concerned about everybody finding out.
Miss Patty: Oh, of course. Not a peep.
Lorelai: And spread the word, okay?
Miss Patty: Spread the word? Consider it done. Oh, and Lorelai, would you give the angel a hug for me? You don't have to say it's from me. Just give her a hug.

Emily: I must say, I admire your composure. The week before my wedding, I was a wreck.
Miss Patty: So was I, before all of mine.
Sookie: How many was that?
Miss Patty: Well, there was Sinjen, John, Sergio, Sinjen. Three men, four times.
Sookie: You regret any of them?
Miss Patty: Well, Sinjen was a letdown the second time but he was my Burton, and I was his Taylor. I just wish I could've found a little Mike Todd in the middle.