Michel: Are you going to be down there long?
Lorelai: [o.s.] I just want to make sure Rory's bracelet didn't get kicked behind something.
Michel: And so earlier when you asked me to look for the bracelet and I told you I did look, and I did not find it, you...
Lorelai: Just decided to double-check.
Michel: Yes, though another theory is that you did not believe me.
Lorelai: I did, too.
Michel: No, I believe you thought I was lying that I did not actually get down on my hands and knees in a brand-new Donna Karan suit and crawl around on a floor where people who have stepped in mud and garbage and animal waste have been traipsing all day long.

Luke: I don't want a wood-burning fireplace-
Lorelai: Luke?
Luke: ...but if I take an apartment with a wood-burning fireplace even though I could give a rat's ass about a wood-burning fireplace, I have to pay an extra $200 a month for the wood-burning fireplace.
Lorelai: Yeah, but-
Luke: Three of the places make you put down a $500 deposit if you have a dog! Can you believe this?
Lorelai: You don't have a dog.
Luke: I know, but it's wrong.
Lorelai: Agreed. What else?
Luke: Parking! How can people ask you for a monthly fee for a parking space? I mean, they're making money off your rent, your utilities, when you use their coin-operated washer and dryer. That's cash directly in their pocket and, by the way, it's not even that good a parking space. It's out in the open under one of those trees that drops the sap on your car that eats away the paint.
Lorelai: Luke?
Luke: Who's gonna pay for my car, huh? Where's my $500 paint-killing, tree-sap deposit?

Jess: So, you guys aren't too hot on vegetables, huh?
Lorelai: What are you talking about? There's green pepper in the Kung Pao.
Jess: My mistake.
Lorelai: So, are you a healthy eater like Luke?
Jess: No one's a healthy eater like Luke. Euell Gibbons wasn't a healthy eater like Luke.
Lorelai: Wow, it's been ages since I heard a good Euell Gibbons reference.
Jess: Many parts of the pine tree are edible.
Lorelai: That's right. God, I wonder what the research process was like to get that information.
Jess: I'd say fairly painful.

Miss Patty: And walk. And walk. And pump your arms and walk. And shoulders back, tuchis in. Think about that double chin. And walk. And walk. And tummies tight and walk. Match me, sweetheart.

Lorelai: It still hurts!
Rory: Do you need stitches?
Lorelai: Probably.
Rory: We should go to a doctor.
Lorelai: No. No doctors. You go into a hospital, you don't come out again!
Rory: Well said, Ida Morgenstern.

Lorelai: I think I have gangrene.
Rory: You do not.
Lorelai: And vertigo.
Rory: Oh, boy.
Lorelai: One leg feels shorter than the other.
Rory: This is gonna be the Vanity Fair paper-cut incident all over again, isn't it? Leave your bandage alone.
Lorelai: Look, it's turning purple, but a really glowy purple! Look!
Rory: No, thanks.
Lorelai: Maybe our rain gutters are radioactive or made out of some kind of alien metal so when I cut my hand, I got infected with an extraterrestrial substance which is altering my internal makeup. Oh, maybe I'll turn into a superhero!
Rory: Maybe.
Lorelai: Like, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and suddenly be able to shower really fast.
Rory: We'll go pick out your cape after breakfast.

Lorelai: Well, I think I'm finally ready to get a tattoo.
Rory: Oh, please.
Lorelai: I am.
Rory: You've been saying that for the last five years.
Lorelai: But I mean it this time.
Rory: Fine. What are you getting?
Lorelai: Mel Brooks.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: What do you mean "why"? The 2000 Year Old Man, Young Frankenstein, Silent Movie. Hasn't Mel has earned the right to have his face on my butt?
Rory: I am so sorry, Mel.
Lorelai: He'll love it. Trust me.
Lorelai: Rocky road hot fudge sundaes and two cans of whipped cream?
Rory: Trying to give Mel a bigger canvas to work with?
Lorelai: The man's a legend. He deserves the best.

Rory: Inherit the Wind. Seventy-five cents.
Dean: Great.
Rory: Now, here's a copy of Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet which I already have, but in hardback. This is a paperback. It fits perfectly in a coat pocket, and it's only $1. Opinions?
Dean: Get it.

Dean: I thought we could go see The Lord of the Rings again.
Rory: Okay.
Dean: What?
Rory: Nothing.
Dean: I thought you loved The Lord of the Rings.
Rory: I do.
Dean: You said you wanted to see it 100 times.
Rory: Yes, and apparently we're being very literal these days.
Dean: Fine, we'll see something else.
Rory: Lord of the Rings is fine.

Dean: So, uh... Compromise.
Rory: What?
Dean: You go look at the astronomy section, we'll go see Lord of the Rings, and on the way home, we'll rent Autumn in New York and mock for the rest of the afternoon.
Rory: With full-on impressions?
Dean: With full-on impressions.
Rory: Deal.