203. Red Light on the Wedding Night
Aired October 16, 2001
As Lorelai's wedding day to Max approaches, Sookie throws her a surprise bachelorette party.
Quote from Lorelai
Rory: I printed up some sample invitations for you. I made them on my computer. All you have to do is pick out a quote for the front page and I'll print them up.
Lorelai: Okay. Um... "What is love? It is the morning and the evening star." Ugh.
Rory: Sinclair Lewis.
Lorelai: Sinclair 'Sappy' Lewis.
Rory: Fine, next.
Lorelai: "And all went merry as a marriage bell. But hush! Hark! A deep sound strikes like a rising knell!" What is it with poetry?
Rory: Lord Byron.
Lorelai: Byron and Lewis, together again.
Rory: Okay, last one.
Lorelai: "We have buried the putrid corpse of liberty." Perfect.
Rory: Mussolini it is.
Quote from Dean
Dean: Their eating habits are just the start of what you have to get used to. There's tons of stuff you should be aware of.
Max Medina: Really?
Dean: Oh, yeah. Like, don't ever use the last of the Parmesan cheese. And never get into a heavy discussion late at night 'cause that's when they're at their crankiest. And, uh, go with their bits.
Max Medina: Their bits?
Dean: Yes, like if you're eating pizza with them, and Lorelai decides that the pepperoni is angry at the mushrooms because they have an attitude and then she holds up a pepperoni and the pepperoni asks for your opinion... don't just laugh. Answer the pepperoni.
Max Medina: Answer the pepperoni.
Dean: And don't let them near puppies, they'll want every one.
Max Medina: That one I knew.
Dean: Oh, and here's a big one. If you ever think that they're doing something crazy, they're not. You see, after a while, their thinking becomes clear, but by the time it's clear they've done two other crazy things that you can't figure out. So there's no catching up.
Max Medina: You have much knowledge.
Dean: You got that from Rory.
Quote from Emily
Emily: You know, I can't believe it was 34 years ago that I married Richard. I remember it so distinctly.
Sookie: Ooh, there's going to be a romantic story.
Emily: My stomach was not my friend. It was full of butterflies, I couldn't eat a bite the whole week.
Lorelai: Hmm. What a bummer.
Emily: I was actually weak in the knees, trembling all the time.
Emily: When I wasn't actually with Richard, I was thinking about him constantly. Imagining what he was doing, was he thinking about me, making up little scenarios in my head about how we'd run into each other accidentally at the club and he would be playing golf, and I would walk by and he would be so distracted that he'd completely miss the ball. [chuckles] Silly.
Sookie: It's sweet.
Emily: I was in love.
Michel: It is wonderful to be in love.
Emily: But the thing I remember most was that for the entire week before my wedding, I'd wait till my mother went to sleep, and I'd sneak out of bed and I'd put on my wedding dress and my tiara and my gloves and I would stare at myself in the mirror and think how very safe I felt, how very right and wise and honored. This is a very good drink. I highly recommend it.
Quote from Rory
Rory: How was it seeing Max last night? No gory details.
Lorelai: Like I've ever shared that part with you.
Rory: You've alluded you've insinuated, you have tiptoed to the brink of impropriety.
Lorelai: Wow, Chilton has taught you some big words.
Rory: That's kind of the point.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: But once we are married, nothing will ever be the same again.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: It won't just be the "me and you secret club, no-boys-allowed thing" anymore. It'll be different.
Rory: It will be different.
Lorelai: Not just different. Our lives as we know them will be over.
Rory: Mom, we're not dying.
Lorelai: No, we're not dying. But the life we had is gonna morph into this, like, mutation that we could never possibly have conceived.
Rory: Like the giant ants in Them!?
Rory: Yes, metaphorically speaking, and I don't want it to be like giant ants that's why I'm talking about it now.
Rory: I am in no way anticipating being attacked by giant, man-eating ants because Max is living here.
Lorelai: Good. Good.
Quote from Lorelai
Max Medina: I just thought I should know what the procedure is - when stuff like this comes up.
Lorelai: Stuff like what?
Max Medina: Say you're not here, I come home, there's Rory and Dean in the dark all alone, after 11:00. I mean, how do I handle stuff like that?
Lorelai: Oh, Max, Rory is very low maintenance. Kind of like that robot kid in A.I.. Only way less mother-obsessed. My God, that kid was so annoying. I would have pushed him out of the car while it was moving.
Quote from Luke
Sookie: But you don't get a wedding over with.
Luke: Why not? It's a bureaucratic civil ceremony, and a pointless one.
Sookie: Ah, don't listen to him.
Lorelai: He's just being Luke.
Luke: It's not biologically natural for people to mate for life. Animals don't mate for life. Well, ducks do, but who the hell cares what ducks do?
Luke: I mean, people grow and evolve their whole lives. The chances that you're going to grow and evolve at the same rate as someone else are too slim to take. The minute you say 'I do' you're sticking yourself in a tiny little box for the rest of your life. But hey, at least you had a party first.
Sookie: Okay, I'm tired of you now. We're gonna finish this conversation away from Crotchety Guy.
Quote from Michel
Rory: They'll never let me in.
Lorelai: They will let you in.
Michel: This is a felony, you know, corrupting a minor. We'll all end up in the pokey.
Rory: He's right. We're all going to the [French accent] pokey.
Lorelai: Sweetie, don't say pokey. It's creepy.
Quote from Sookie
Michel: This is a drag club.
Sookie: It's called the Queen Victoria. What did you expect? Tea and crumpets?
Quote from Emily
Lorelai: Excuse me, sir, you look just like my mother.
Rory: Hi, Grandma. Come here often?
Emily: I should say not. How did you get in?
Rory: Oh, apparently, I'm an internationally known supermodel.
Emily: Happy bachelorette party, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Thank you, Mother.
Emily: And in the future, when you plan one of these things and tell a person to show up at 8:00 it is considered good manners for you to also show up at 8:00.
Lorelai: Well, I didn't actually invite you, Mother. Michel did.
Emily: Oh, well, I feel much better now.