Record Producer: From the top.
Phoebe: playing guitar and singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? - Okay, sorry. I'm just not getting that everyone gets how smelly this cat actually is. Maybe if we could talk about this because I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
Record Producer: Honey, we can talk about this. It's just that this is costing like $100 a minute to be in here.
Phoebe: So the cat stinks, but you love it. Let's go.

Phoebe: I'm gonna play some songs about grandparents, okay?
[playing guitar and singing] Now Grandma's a person, Who everyone likes, She bought you a train, And a bright shiny bike, But lately she hasn't, Been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her, She looked so much thinner, Now your mom and your dad said, She moved to Peru, But the truth is she died, And someday you will too.

Phoebe: I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. [singing] I made a man with eyes of coal, And a smile so bewitching, How was I supposed to know, That my mom was dead in the kitchen?

Phoebe: [singing] My mother's ashes, Even her eyelashes, Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's freezing, I feel a little sneezy, And now I-

Phoebe: Today, we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.
[playing guitar and singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo", Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo", Then the farmer hits him on the head, And grinds him up And that's how we get hamburgers. Now chickens.

Phoebe: Ross, Rachel doesn't know that you wanna get back together. If she did, she might feel differently. She might not even go.
Ross: You really think so?
Phoebe: I'm telling you. Oh, okay, this is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. [singing] "Don't take no for an answer. Don't let love fly away."
Rachel: Hi.
Phoebe: Can't a girl finish a song around here?

Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again. Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical. [singing] "When the sun comes up, bright and beaming, And the moon comes"-
Rachel: Morning.
Phoebe: Guess we'll never know how it ends.

Rachel: Phoebe has prepared something as well.
Phoebe: That's right. I prepared a song for Emma, from my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift than the gift of music.
[playing guitar and singing] Emma, Your name poses a dilemma, 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma, Maybe the actor Richard Crenna - He played the commanding officer in Rambo, Happy birthday Emma.
Rachel: Is that it?
Phoebe: No, of course not. No, I've also, you know, prepared a reading. "Sex and the Single Mother." "Finding your G-spot."
Ross: Oh, no, no, no!

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Happy Hanukkah, Monica, May your Christmas be snowy, Joey, Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross, Spin the dreidel, Rachel.
Rachel: Pheebs, that's great.
Phoebe: Oh, yay.
Rachel: But you know, Rachel doesn't rhyme with dreidel.
Phoebe: I know, but it's so hard. Nothing rhymes with your stupid name.

Phoebe: Check it out. I could play this while the guests are coming in, okay.
[singing and playing guitar] First time I met Chandler I thought he was gay, But here I am singing, On his wedding day-
Monica: Phoebe, no.
Phoebe: If you would have let me finish, it goes on to say that he's probably not gay.