Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] I found you in my bed, How'd you wind up there? You are a mystery, Little black curly hair, Little black curly hair, Little black, little black, little black, Little black curly hair.

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, So don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hannukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct] Happy holidays, everybody!

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] It only takes two heart attacks, To finally make you see, One of them won't do it, But the second will set you free, Tell all your hate and anger, It's time to say goodbye, And that is just what I will do, Soon as those bastards I worked for die!

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] "Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you?" This chick sounds good. "Smelly cat"- Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.

Phoebe: [playing her guitar, singing] New York City has no power, And the milk is getting sour, But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy. [writes the song down]

Phoebe: Hey, Rach, you want to hear the song I'm singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] I'm in the shower, And I'm writing a song, Stop me if you've heard it, My skin is soapy and my hair is wet, And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget.

Rachel: But, I mean, come on. You cannot do this to her. I have to do this to her?
Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Lather, rinse, repeat, And lather, rinse, repeat, And lather, rinse, repeat, As needed.

Phoebe: Okay. This is a song about a love triangle between three people I made up. It's called "Two of Them Kissed Last Night."
[playing her guitar and singing] There was a girl, We'll call her Betty, And a guy, Let's call him Neil, Now I can't stress, This point too strongly, This story isn't real.
Now our Neil must decide, Who will be the girl that he casts aside, Will Betty be the one who he loves truly, Or will it be the one who we'll call Loolie.
He must decide, He must decide, Even though I made him up, He must decide.

Stephanie: [playing guitar and singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you?
Phoebe: No, no. I'm sorry, it's: [singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat-
Stephanie: Smelly cat, smelly cat-
Phoebe: Better! Much better. Good. And you know, don't feel bad, because it's a hard song.
Stephanie: Yeah.
Phoebe: You want to try it again?
Stephanie: Yeah. From the top?
Phoebe: Okay, there is no "top," all right? That's the beauty of "Smelly Cat." Why don't you just follow me?
Phoebe and Stephanie: [playing guitar and singing together] Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, It's not your fault-
Phoebe: Okay, that's too much. Sorry.

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us? I will buy you some Adidas.