Ross: Well, uh, you know what? Even if she doesn't know anything, I do! And I'll be there to show her, so...
Mrs. Green: That’s exactly what Rachel’s father told me. But you know what he said at the first 3 A.M. feeding? "I’m tired, you take care of it." Which I later said to him when he wanted to have sex.
Ross: Well, I'm not Rachel’s dad. And no offense, but he's an ass.
Mrs. Green: I do like you, Ross.

Rachel: There she is. Mom.
Mrs. Green: Hey, sweetie. So this is where you work? Oh, it's wonderful. Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell? Well, I guess that's the fun.
Rachel: Pretty much.

Rachel: Here, meet my friends.
Mrs. Green: Monica, you look gorgeous. Oh, my. The last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten.

Rachel: Hey, Mom, having fun?
Mrs. Green: Am l! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over at the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue but it's nice to know I have options.
Rachel: There's more alcohol, right?

Mrs. Green: You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.
Rachel: Really?
Mrs. Green: Let's make a day of it. We will have lunch, we will shopping, we will get nails done, whatever you want.
Rachel: Mom, I have to work.
Mrs. Green: What? No one else can pour coffee?

Mrs. Green: Oh, this is so much fun. Just the girls. Do you know what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana?
Rachel: God!
Monica: All right, look, no one's smoking pot around all this food.
Mrs. Green: Well, that's fine. I never did it. I just thought I might. So, what's new in sex?
Rachel: "What's new in sex?"
Mrs. Green: Well, the only man I've ever been with is your father.

Phoebe: Oh, hi, Mrs. Green. I'm so glad you could make it.
Monica: Yes, thank you so much. And again, we're so sorry. We could not feel worse about it.
Mrs. Green: Try.

Mrs. Green: Oh, honey I am sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. What- What can I do? Do you want me to make those little marshmallow treats you used to like? I can call up Carmel and find out how.
Rachel: Mom, I just don’t understand. I thought you were happy.
Mrs. Green: Yeah. Well, so did I. But- But you know how sometimes you’re driving on the highway and you get home and you can’t actually remember having driven there.
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Mrs. Green: That’s what my life has kind of been like.
Rachel: Uh, but couldn’t you have listened to the radio more?
Mrs. Green: I wish it were that easy. But then I see you here and I keep thinking ‘Why can’t I have this? I want adventures, I want to hang out, I want a Chandler”
Rachel: Mom! Mom. Mom, believe me Chandler is no reason to leave daddy! I mean, you think this looks like I am having a lot of fun but it’s really hard, really hard. I've got this lousy job. I barely know if I am going to make rent, and forget about buying stuff.
Mrs. Green: Oh honey, you don’t understand. I’d be doing what you are doing, but with money. It’s very different.

Monica: [on the phone] I’m sorry for everything, really. I mean, there’s a lot of planning in a baby shower. I mean, you know, things get over-looked and… Phoebe’s mother killed herself.
Mrs. Green: Why? Did you forget to invite her too?

Mrs. Green: So, I thought we'd put the changing station in the living room. And I thought I'd bring in my decorator, because, you know, I really feel like I'm at my best when I'm surrounded by jewel tones.
Ross: Sure, who doesn't?