Ray: Oh, man! Almost!
Robert: Will you stop spinning your ring already?
Ray: This table's got some kind of super-slick surface. This could be the day I break the record.
Robert: Yippee!
Ray: Quiet!
Robert: Can't we at least go bowling or something?
Ray: No, no, I'm having a good time here.
Robert: You're twirling jewelry.
Ray: You don't realize what you got here, okay? You don't have a wife and kids always around. You're alone.
Robert: Thank you.

Robert: Look, why don't you watch the stuff, and I'll go get some pizza. You want a slice?
Ray: Yeah. What are they, a buck? Why don't you buy me 500 and we'll be even.
Robert: Ray, I'm sure the maintenance guy is gonna find your ring, all right?
Ray: Yeah, did you see that guy? He finds my ring, two seconds later, he's gonna trade it in for a bottle of whiskey and a harmonica.

Ray: Aw, come on. It's just you know, it's this haircut. It makes me look Latin.

Ray: It's like playing the Globetrotters. I'm waiting for Meadowlark to pull my pants down.

Ray: Okay, I read to Ally.
Debra: Oh, thanks for putting her to bed for me, Ray. It's been a really long day.
Ray: Yeah, I read her Rapunzel.
Debra: Oh, good for you.
Ray: Yeah? I don't know. Kidding around, I said, if you live in a tower and there's no shampoo and your hair gets long enough to climb on, it might get disgusting.
Debra: Yeah?
Ray: So Ally wants a haircut.
Debra: Well, we'll get her a haircut.
Ray: Now.
Debra: Ray, don't tell me I have to go-
Ally: I'm ready, Mommy.
Ray: I gave her a dollar to tip you with. Act surprised.

Robert: Wait a minute. What about the main food?
Ray: Pizza?
Robert: No. I had pizza last night. Chinese?
Ray: No, no. Dad always imitates the delivery guy.
Robert: I got it! I got it. Six-foot hero!
Ray: Six-foot hero!
Robert: It goes with the chips.
Ray: That's good! We get the chips, sandwich. We get some ice cream.

Debra: What do you want to do about it?
Ray: Well, what does the book say?
Debra: Which book?
Ray: I don't know. How To Grow a Kid.
Debra: They all say different things. They're very confusing. So why don't you just read the damn books?
Ray: Well, if they're confusing for you...
Debra: You might like them, Ray. Some of them have pictures of breasts.
Ray: Yeah, they're just drawings.

Ray: Hey, Snugglepants. Oh man, what a day. I had this interview with Ewing, you know, and he was three hours late and I had to wait for him. [Marie walks up behind Raymond] Oh I am tired, sweetness. [Marie starts rubbing Ray's shoulders] Oh yeah, oh. Oh baby, does that feel good. Come here. [Ray panics] What are you doing?
Marie: Trying to help you relax.
Ray: [groans] Oh God, now the dreams are gonna start again.
Marie: Don't be silly.

Ray: I was gonna go hit a bucket of balls with Robert.
Debra: Oh, you can do that anytime.
Ray: No, Robert can do it anytime. Now was going to be my anytime and I can't do it. So lucky Robert.
Debra: You'll be fine, you have the TV all to yourself.
Ray: That's your answer for everything, just plop me in front of the TV, right?
Debra: I'll bring you a goody bag.
Ray: Hey, why do we need curtains in the bedroom anyway? It's not like anyone is ever naked in there.

Ray: Listen. You're important too, you know? The special diet, living longer, whatever. That's important to me.
Marie: You're sweet, dear.
Ray: No, look, you should do something for you. And if this is what makes you happy, then you should do it and I back you up.
Marie: Oh, Raymond! [kisses Ray]
Ray: All right, all right, now you back up a little. All right.