Sarah: Do you think we should knock them about a bit?
Mary: No.
Sarah: Nothing drastic, just a few slaps.
Mary: I said no, Sarah.
Sarah: What, not even the wee gay fella?
James: I'm not gay.

Mary: Are you engaged to Ciaran, Sarah?
Aunt Sarah: Why do you keep asking that?
Gerry: Because that's an invitation to your engagement party.
Aunt Sarah: Oh, God, aye, so it is. I think I know what's happened there.
Gerry: Do you mind filling the rest of us in?
Aunt Sarah: Well, two Fridays ago, Ciaran came to pick me up from dancercise. I'm gasping, I mean, I've a mouth on me like Gandhi's flip-flop. I tell him you need to stop at the shop and grab me a Calypso, but he says he has a better idea, and he pulls over, and he whips out...
Joe: Whips out what? What does he whip out?
Aunt Sarah: This ring. And he asks me if I'd do him the honour of accepting it.
Mary: And you did?
Aunt Sarah: Well, I knew the stone would restrict me a fair bit, nail polish wise. I mean, red's out for a start.
Mary: Christ almighty.
Aunt Sarah: And I'm wondering if me taking this ring has somehow led Ciaran to think I'd agreed to marry him.
Gerry: I'd say there's a chance it did, yeah.
Aunt Sarah: What a nightmare. I'm not even that into him, to be honest.
Joe: Not your fault, love. These bloody fellas, they only hear what they want to hear.
Mary: You have to tell him, Sarah.
Aunt Sarah: Do you think?
Mary: Yes.
Aunt Sarah: But I don't have to give the ring back, do I?

Sarah: Oh, for God's sake, Mary, would you look? You're missing my big moment.
Sarah: [on TV] Two gunmen of roughly the same height kicked his door down and tied him to the radiator with his own shoelaces. He barely had those shoelaces a week, John. They threatened him with physical violence, they threatened to burn his house down...

Gerry: What are you doing?
Sarah: Taking my change.
Gerry: Sarah, you don't get change.
Sarah: Aye, dead on, Gerry. I'm gonna give them a whole fiver. That's definitely happening.

Erin: What's going on? Why have we stopped?
Mary: My punt purse is in the bucking suitcase.
Sarah: Punts are such a pain in the arse. Why can't they just use sterling?
Mary: Well, they did for a while, Sarah, but then, you know, partition happened.

Sarah: Mary! Gerry! You're not allowed to smoke in this place. Can you believe that? It's barbaric.
Gerry: Sarah, what are you doing here?
Sarah: Mary said you were having a wee night to yourselves, so I thought you might want some company.
Gerry: Why? W-why would you think that?
Ciaran: Sarah!
Gerry: Ah, himself as well, is it? Great.
Mary: Sweet Jesus.
Ciaran: Hiya, how are ye?
Sarah: They don't let you smoke in here, Ciaran. Can you credit it?
Ciaran: This is a nice surprise. When Sarah asked me to the cinema, I thought, well, I thought she meant just the two of us.
Gerry: No, Ciaran, because that would be... What's the word now? Normal.
Ciaran: Double date it is, then, so.

Sarah: I mean, it's against the Trades Description Act. The label said mahogany. Sure, that's barely oak. Jesus, but I'm fuming, so I am.

Sarah: Daddy and Gerry not back yet?
Mary: They must have had a few drinks and lost track of time. Sure, you know what Bill's like.
Sarah: God, aye, any excuse to whip out the aul saxophone.

Gerry: He could at least put a bell on the thing.
Mary: That's a good idea, Daddy. That way if Seamus is the culprit...
Joe: He isn't!
Mary: Well, then the birds, the mice, the shrews, the frogs, they'll hear him coming.
Aunt Sarah: Put a bell on him? I dunno, Mary, is that not a breach of his human rights?
Mary: No, because he's a cat.
Joe: He doesn't want to wear a bell, Mary, he's made that very clear!
Gerry: Christ almighty!

Joe: We don't know this was someone's pet! It looks wild to me.
Mary: It's wearing a collar, Da. And a name tag!
Gerry: "Fluffy."
Aunt Sarah: God, aye, he looks like a Fluffy, doesn't he?
Gerry: He looks like a piece of taxidermy, Sarah! Seamus has crossed a line! He's out of control!
Mary: He can't go around killing people's pets, Da. There'll be a riot!
Aunt Sarah: Ah, we haven't had one of them in a while.