Joe: Maeve and me, we're... We just get on well, that's all.
Mary: Maeve? That's her name, is it?
Joe: Yes, that's right.
Mary: Maeve? That's what she's called, is she?
Joe: She is, aye.
Mary: Maeve? Maeve? Really? Maeve?
Katya: Why does your mother make that sound?

Mary: [on the phone] What?! Oh, my God.
Gerry: What's up?
Mary: Our Colm is in the Police Station. Last night, two gunmen forced their way into his house, tied him up, stole his van.
Joe: Dirty bastards.
Mary: [on the phone] Oh, God love you, you poor critter. You ought to come straight round here, do you hear me? Oh, of course, of course. [hangs up]
Gerry: Is he all right?
Mary: He is traumatised, Gerry. He'll take a steak and kidney pie. Do you think five bags will be enough?

Erin: This is the truth, Mammy.
Mary: Erin, if you expect me to believe that Michelle tripped while carrying a scented candle, you must think I came up the Foyle in a bubble.

Mary: Hey! Let me look at that. You call that clean, do you?
Sarah: Different standards, you see, Mary.
Mary: You're not in England now, son.

Mary: Give us a hand here, Gerry. This'll not close. We need to shift ourselves! We're the last Fenians standing.
Joe: Relax, love, we've got a good two or three hours before the rioting starts.
Mary: I'll not settling myself until we're over that border, Da.
Gerry: You're absolutely sure we need the big clock, love?
Mary: We've been through this, Gerry.
Gerry: Definitely don't want to bring the wee clock?
Mary: I can't be doing with the wee clock!

Erin: Right, well, that's the dishes done. Would you like another cup of tea there, Mammy?
Mary: No, I'm fine.
Erin: I'll just grab the Hoover and give the stairs a bit of a going over.
Orla: And I'll maybe do a bit of dusting.
Mary: What's got into you two? What are you up to? What do you want?
Erin: Nothing, we just thought that we should pull our weight a bit more, Mammy.
Orla: You do so much for us, Aunt Mary.
Erin: You deserve a bit of a break.
Mary: I can't hex people, girls. It was an accident.

Sarah: There's no shame in doing a half load, you know, Mary.
Mary: I can't, Sarah. I physically can't.
[Mary smiles as Erin and her friends enter in their green school uniforms]

Gerry: They really don't look that happy, do they?
Mary: Look, why don't we just explain that it was an accident, that we don't want any trouble?
Gerry: I'm not going out there.
Mary: Well, send one of the wains out.
James: What?!
Clare: What?!
Mary: Well, the wee fella's English. They might respect that.
Clare: I think they would respect that, actually.
Gerry: Away you go, son.
James: You're not serious!
Gerry: It'll be grand. Underneath it all, I'm sure they're reasonable enough people.
[The Orange Order men start rocking the car]
James: Absolutely no chance!

Erin: Why would two gunmen break into a chippy?
James: Ow! That really hurt.
Michelle: You're such a pussy.
Erin: What were they looking for?
Orla: Chips. Obviously.
Mary: They were looking for the keys to the van. Keep up, Erin.

Mary: [o.s.] Push it, push it, push it!
Sarah: [o.s.] It's locked.
[Mary and Sarah sheepishly return to the living room, where Fionnula is surveying the damage]
Fionnula: What the fuck is going on here exactly?
Mary: OK. All right. Well, what happened was... Michelle was carrying a scented candle.