James: I'm really looking forward to making friends with some lads.
Michelle: Lads aren't going to make friends with you, James. Lads make friends with other lads.
James: I am a lad.
Erin: Aye, so you are, James.

Jon: We were told it was an all girls' school. You've been a bit short changed there.
James: Nah, it's fine, mate. It's all good, man. I'll... I'll just give it to my bird.
Jon: Your bird?
James: Yeah, she's really fit... and stuff.
Jon: Right. OK, great.

Michelle: I adore skiing.
Jenny: Really?
Michelle: Mmm.
James: Really?
Michelle: Yes. Skiing, and... Well, all the snowy sports, really.

James: I just did it for a laugh. The trousers. I'd do anything for a laugh, me. I'm mad like that.
Jon: Right.

Erin: It's... Still sticky. How is it still sticky? Is it worse than when we started?
Clare: I think it might be, yeah.
Erin: Great.
James: Oh, I see. Yeah, this isn't Windolene. This is... [sniffs] This is mayonnaise.

Chief Inspector Byers: Here's where we're at, girls.
James: I'm actually a boy.
Chief Inspector Byers: OK, love.

Erin: You dirty, dirty Brit!
James: I beg your pardon?
Erin: I know what you're up to.
James: I'm not up to anything. I should be up to something, but I can't find the person I'm supposed to be up to it with, because this place is like a fucking maze.

Michelle: Fuck me.
Orla: I like his shiny hair.
James: So do I. I really like his shiny hair.

Katya: James, what is going on? I wait a long time. You no longer want to do sex?
James: No, no, no, I do want to do sex. I really, really want to do sex.
Katya: Come.
Erin: [to James] You disgust me! You should be ashamed of yourself.
James: Oh, piss off, Erin!
Erin: I mean, I know you're desperate, James, but paying for it?
James: What?!
Erin: You really thought I wouldn't work it out?
James: Work what out? What the actual cock are you talking about?
Erin: I'm talking about the fact that she's a prostitute.
Katya: I am prostitute?
Erin: Oh, come off it, James. She's charging you for it, isn't she? Just admit it.
James: No. I mean, I don't think so. I mean, not that I wouldn't consider it.

James: Fancy another beer, mate? Christ but I just love beer. Don't you just love beer?
Jon: Yeah, beer is nice.
James: I love beer and football and poker and, you know, tits.
Jon: Tits?
James: Can't get enough of them. Then again I am a lad.