Woody: Oh, hi, Dr. Sternin. Dr. Crane isn't here.
Lilith: I know. He's at home, and that's why I'm not.
Carla: Whoa-ho! Trouble in Casa de Wacko?
Lilith: Not really. Scotch, Woody. I'm just not looking forward to going home. Frasier's giving me every indication that he expects me to indulge in another one of his silly little fantasies tonight, but it's really rather personal.
Carla: I know just what you mean. Husbands can drive you nuts about stuff like that. Take my Eddie. He borrowed this fairy princess costume from the ice show. Really. Every Friday night, I have to dress up and put a magic sex spell on him.
Lilith: Well, as long as we're sharing, here's what I have waiting for me. Every so often, Frasier likes to regress to his childhood. First, he insists on calling me Mommy. I fix him cinnamon toast and strawberry milk. Then it's bath time - one of my favorites - followed by my tucking him into bed and singing "All the Pretty Little Horses." After that, we make love until the windows rattle.
Carla: Men! They're really something, aren't they? Oh, by the way, about all that fairy princess stuff? I was just kidding.
Lilith: Ah, so was l.
Carla: Oh, right, Mommy. Hey, guys, get a load of this!
Lilith: Oh! Carla! Carla!

Diane: But this is quite a surprise. You've only known each other a few months, and you're moving in together? That's pretty impetuous.
Lilith: Well, a week ago, we decided to take a chance on cohabitation, but we waited a week before announcing the news, so as to avoid putting any undue pressure on the success or failure of the endeavor. And now we are pleased to announce the effort a limited success.
Diane: Yes, pretty darn impetuous.

Carla: You just had a baby. When did you have time to write a book?
Lilith: Well, actually, I've been hacking away at it for years, but I was finally able to polish it off during my 15 months of pregnancy.
Frasier: Oh, yes. Took years of painstaking, high-level research. It's called "Good Girls, Bad Boys." Isn't that cute?
Lilith: That was my editor's idea. I wanted to call it "A cross-sectional study of control-group females with a tendency towards self-destruction, vis-a-vis damaging relationships with members of the opposite sex."
Woody: Oh, brother, not another one of those.
Lilith: Oh, yes, but, you see, my particular slant is that many women are drawn to men who are bad for them, those who represent danger. Then, once they outgrow that need, they're free to make the mature choice and live out their lives with upstanding, substantial men. Not unlike my Frasier-doodle.

Lilith: Good afternoon, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Dr. Sternin. What a lovely surprise.
Lilith: I hope I can regard that as civility in light of today's situation, rather than sarcasm at my expense.
Frasier: No, that was completely at your expense.
Lilith: You know, I wasn't going to do today's show when I heard you were the other guest, but then I realized I'd relish proving my superiority over you in public.
Frasier: Yes, that appeals to me, too.

Frasier: All right, uh, Diane and I were engaged to be married and she left me at the altar. The whole experience was so humiliating, l- l- I've just been trying to forget it ever since.
Lilith: Your feelings for her were genuine?
Frasier: Yes.
Lilith: And it's only on account of her action that you're not married to her at this very moment?
Frasier: Well, I- I never really looked at it that way.
Lilith: And if Sam were out of the picture, you'd throw me over and run back to her, wouldn't you?
Frasier: I don't love her anymore.
Lilith: You switch your passions on and off very quickly, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: I do not!
Lilith: Then you do still love her!
Frasier: Well, I never did!
Lilith: You were going to marry her!
Frasier: Well, maybe I just thought I loved her!
Lilith: How do I know you don't just think you love me?
Frasier: Well, I don't. I mean, I- I didn't I- I never... I will not be grilled like a common criminal! [slams the bathroom door]
Sam: [to Lilith] Cheese knife?

Frasier: So how do you like Cheers?
Lilith: Well, it seems adequate for its purpose. But I have a feeling that you only brought me to this place to surround yourself with people you know and I don't.
Frasier: Well, yes. But what's more, I thought that we might have a drink or two, thereby lowering our inhibitions a bit, and enabling us to go back to your place, and have a physical encounter of some sort.
Lilith: Well, we won't.
Frasier: I appreciate your candor.
Lilith: No, you don't.
Frasier: You're right. I feel like striking you.
Lilith: Your attempt at machismo is totally inadequate. You can't even make eye contact.
Frasier: I could look at you if I wanted to. But frankly, I've grown tired of counting the comb marks in your hair.

Frasier: So, am I to assume that you just naturally thought that I'd be at this drinking establishment?
Lilith: Actually, knowing your obsessive-compulsiveness, I checked with your service, and indeed, you'd left them a very complete itinerary of your day. I trust all went well at the dry cleaner's.
Frasier: Thank you, yes. And I can assume from your questioning that you're attempting to make idle conversation rather than articulating some control dysfunction with my personal habits.
Lilith: That's correct.
Norm: Are they fighting?

Diane: Dr. Sternin, excuse me. I overheard Dr. Crane's remarks. If it's any consolation, I can empathize with your hurt feelings. If you'd like to share any of them with me as a fellow woman, I would consider it an honor.
Lilith: Who are you?
Diane: [chuckles softly] Diane Chambers. I'm an old friend of Dr. Crane's, a student, and until my imminent marriage, an employee here at Cheers. Please, let's sit down.
Lilith: Well, I suppose I am just a little sensitive when it pertains to my appearance.
Diane: Well, if I may be so bold as to step into your arena, I believe that Frasier's hostility is masking a deep attraction to you.
Lilith: [subdued chuckling] Thank you, Diane. It's been a long time since I've had such a good laugh.

Lilith: Good evening, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Dr. Sternin. It's, uh, nice to see you again.
Lilith: And you. I apologize for my overzealous behavior this afternoon. And for making fools of us both.
Frasier: Yes, well, I would also like to apologize for my completely unprofessional attitude, and I promise you that that sort of thing will never happen again.
Lilith: Fine. I've already penned a letter to the American Psychiatric Association apologizing for my behavior. I would suggest that you do likewise.
Frasier: Of course, of course.
Lilith: And I think perhaps for the sake of our professional reputations, it's best we put this matter behind us and go on with our lives.
Frasier: Oh. That is probably wise. You see, I've already lost three patients as a result of today's fiasco.
Lilith: That's odd. I picked up three.
Lilith: While we're on the subject, Dr. Crane, I suggest that your behavior indicates an unacceptable level of sexual frustration. You strike me as a man who needs professional help. Or perhaps a girlfriend.
Frasier: And you strike me as a woman who could use a good cuffing.

Lilith: Yes, I read the letter, you licentious quack! And what facile tripe it is! "We both need time to grow, to develop as people." Who is the slut?
Frasier: She's no slut! What slut? Well, I mean, look, it was all a mistake. It's just a big mistake.
Lilith: Oh, you bet it is, mister. You want your freedom?! Ha, I'll give you freedom. From your teeth! [picks up a dish]
Frasier: No, Lilith! Not the Royal Doulton.
Lilith: You're right. I realize when I contemplate the destruction of property that I'm overstepping the bounds of decorum. If there's any hope of our salvaging any of our relationship, we must remain calm and discuss this in a rational, truthful manner.
Frasier: All right. I'll be honest with you. There was a woman. But I am a man of honor. I did not betray you. Nothing happened.
Lilith: You broke off our relationship for the possibility of a relationship? A mere fantasy? How flattering.