Carla: Champagne, huh?
Lilith: Well, wild romance is a fictive term with no correlation to any actual physiological behavior. We, nevertheless, like to humor convention by going through with these preposterous rituals.
Carla: Champagne, huh?

Rebecca: Uh, Lilith? What do you say we have a little get-together at my place tonight?
Lilith: That would be lovely.
Rebecca: Now, you're gonna have to tell me who to invite, because I don't know... anything about you.
Lilith: I only wish there were some way I could repay you, Rebecca.
Rebecca: Oh, don't mention it.
Lilith: If you ever need to admit a family member to a mental institution, I could certainly speed up the paperwork.
Rebecca: That's very dear of you.

Lilith: Sam, can I talk to you for a minute?
Sam: Sure, have a seat.
Lilith: Frasier and I will be covering over 4,500 miles round-trip and I think it's only fair that I share some of the driving. However, I am handicapped by one tiny thing. I've never operated a motorized vehicle before.
Sam: You don't know how to drive?
Lilith: I always meant to learn, but when I was a teenager, I was too busy having fun.

Lilith: Forgive me for bursting in on you, but the little bud couldn't bear to be parted from his/her daddy another instant. Whisper to him/her through my navel.
Frasier: Um... later, after I finish this drink perhaps a few more.
Lilith: Oh, Carla, sister woman. Why didn't you ever share with me the religious wonder of this experience when you were great with child?
Carla: I was too busy puking.
Lilith: A small price to pay for becoming a fountain of life. A moist, nourishing acre of loam from which shall spring the future of the human race.
Carla: Speaking of puking, would you excuse me for a moment?
Lilith: I am a cradle of life. My womb is the Tigris and the Euphrates. I am a slender tendril reaching back to the primordial ooze.
Frasier: I'm planning on having her committed.
Norm: Must have been a very difficult decision for you.
Frasier: Oddly enough, no.

Frasier: Oh, look, his first smile.
Lilith: Darling face. As much as we would like to believe otherwise, we both know that newborn infants are incapable of revealing emotion through facial expression. It's probably just gas.
Both: Oh, his first gas!

Lilith: I always have such trouble trying to figure out what to get Frasier for his birthday.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Lilith: Do you think perhaps he'd like a photograph of me?
Sam: Why? I mean... Of course he would. Why would any man not want a picture of his wife?
Henri: I agree. A picture of you is what every man wants. May I have the honor of taking it?
Lilith: Well, perhaps. But I must warn you. I've had bad luck with photographers. It seems they always overexpose the film, and I come out looking white as a ghost.

Frasier: Freddy is, of course, bedecked in the garb of superhero crime fighter Spider-Man.
Lilith: Interestingly, Spider-Man acquired his supernatural powers from the bite of a radioactive spider. I tried to explain to Frederick what would happen if one were really bitten by a radioactive spider, but he just cried.

Norm: "Mr. Clavin, thank you very much for your submission to The Tonight Show. We will not be using your material. Enclosed is your submission."
Paul: Hey, what was it this time? Let me put my beer down, I don't want it coming through my nose.
Norm: "Today is Doc Severinsen's birthday. You know, Doc is so old, when he was a kid he never blew out candles on his birthday cake. They didn't have fire yet." [Lilith laughs]
Frasier: Lilith! You can't possibly be laughing at that terrible joke.
Lilith: You don't find humor in the exaggeration of a contemporary man predating an event which took place 45,000 years ago?
Frasier: Well, had Cliff phrased it like that, sure, hellzapoppin.

Lilith: Sam, if you could lend me a little money for a hotel, I'd really appreciate it.
Sam: No problem, no problem.
Lilith: Thank you. You know, I'll be right back. I'm going to call my mother and check up on Frederick. You know, I have to say that after being cooped up underground for the last six months, it's very nice to see people again. Even you people.
Woody: That was sweet.

Frasier: I thought that Frederick might enjoy himself.
Lilith: Enjoy himself in a bar? He's 11 months old. What kind of values can he learn here?
Frasier: Well, I- I thought the place had a lot to offer.
Lilith: Oh, please, he'll never learn to speak in this environment.
Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
Frederick: Norm!
Lilith: He said "Mommy."