Carla: Mama.
Mama Lozupone: Angeline?
Carla: No, Mama. It's Carla.
Mama Lozupone: Oh. My purse is on the dresser.
Carla: Mama, I didn't come here for your money. I came because I feel bad things got so ugly between us the last time I was here.
Mama Lozupone: So, you've come to say you're sorry.
Carla: Well, I'm sorry we fought.
Mama Lozupone: Then you're sorry. I accept your apology.
Carla: Good. I accept your apology, too.
Mama Lozupone: I didn't say I was sorry.
Carla: Well, then, I'm not sorry, either.
Mama Lozupone: Too late. I already accepted your apology.
Carla: Damn!

Mama Lozupone: So, here now that we've made peace, I want you to have the ring that my mother gave to me, and her mother gave to her.
Carla: Oh, Mama. The ring. [Mama hands over a piece of paper] What's this?
Mama Lozupone: I hocked it. Come. [Cara lays on the bed with her mother] Oh, your father's hair.
Carla: Sorry, Mom.
Mama Lozupone: And now, Carla, there is something you must do for me.
Carla: Oh, Mama, I know what you're gonna ask me. We're just gonna get into that same fight we had the last time I was here. I... It... It's just too much to ask. I can't do it.
Mama Lozupone: It's the family tradition.
Carla: No.
Mama Lozupone: I did it. My mother did it. Her mother did it. Her mother did it before her.
Carla: I said no. I don't care who did it.
Mama Lozupone: Her mother did it.
Carla: Mama, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had the dream. I'm sorry you're gonna die. I'm sorry the family tradition is gonna die with you. But that is just the way it is. I can't do this for anybody, not even for my mama.
Mama Lozupone: Her mother did it.

Sam: How are you doing, honey?
Carla: Better. I went home, went to my bedroom, shut off all the lights and laid down on my bed. Then I started thinking. What if I was dying and Serafina refused to do the one thing that meant the most to me. How would I feel?
Norm: So you apologized to your mother?
Carla: No. I went out and yelled at Serafina. I felt a lot better. So I went and yelled at all the rest of the kids. Then I started thinking, why should I be having all this fun when my mom's dying? So I decided I had to try to do something for her.
Woody: Well, I've got a bunch of these coupon books left. They're only good for a month, but I guess in her case, that doesn't matter.
Carla: Anyway, all the kids were there, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask them if anyone would fulfill their grandmother's dying wish and change their name to Benito Mussolini.
Sam: Any takers?
Carla: No. But I got two Madonnas and an MC Hammer. Well, that's that. I tried everything I can.
Woody: She didn't try the coupons.

Carla: Oh, no. I'm too late. Oh, Mama. Oh, Mama, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I hope you can hear me. I hope you can rest now. I swear on your memory, that my Gino is now named Benito Mussolini.
Mama Lozupone: [sits up] Well, it's about time. I was getting bedsores.
Carla: You're not dead. You're not dead at all. You were never dying. You just did this to trick me. And you were all in on it.
Angeline: We listen to our mother.
Sal: And we thought it would be funny.
Gino: No, Ma, No! [holding Carla back]
Carla: You, you never even had the dream. You just did this to trick me into getting to name my kid that stupid name.
Mama Lozupone: I had to. You're stubborn as your grandmother's mule, who, incidentally, you were named after. I honor tradition.
Carla: Yeah, well, I'm gonna give you something to honor right in the labonz!

Sam: Ladies, ladies, please, please. Please.
Mama Lozupone: Stay out of this, if you know what's good for you, Paddy. Listen, I may be old, but I can still instruct others to hurt you. Benito, kick your mother in the teeth for me.
Gino: Okay, Grandma.
Carla: Don't you order- Don't you order my son around. Gino, go punch your grandma in the kidneys.
Gino: Okay, Ma.
Sam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Mama Lozupone: You, you're big, throw Carla out the window.
Sam: No, I'm not gonna throw her out the window.
Mama Lozupone: All right. I'll do it, sick as I am.

Carla: Good-bye, Mama. I love you.
Mama Lozupone: Mmm. See you next week.
Carla: Oh, wait a minute, I almost forgot something. Good night, Sammy.
Sam: [muffled] Carla, please let me out. Please.
Carla: Sammy, would you stop whining? It's a family tradition. You cross Mama, you sleep in the wall.
Sam: [muffled shouting]

Carla: I see something. It's you. And you're young. And, uh, it's summer. And there's an animal, a pet. You had a pet, didn't you, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, yeah, I did.
Carla: And you loved him very much.
Sam: Yeah, I did love him.
Carla: Suddenly this is all so clear! Frasier, I see you, as a young boy, reading all those books and not having any friends. Norm, I see you, having lots of friends and not reading any books. And, Cliff, I see you. [shudders] Sam. Sam, there's more.
Sam: Yeah?
Carla: That pet... It's a Labrador named Sparkey! And he's running to a woman. It's your mother! Her black hair is waving in the wind! Oh, my God! This is so incredible! Huh?! Madame Lazora was right! I am gifted! I am a seer! [to a man] Marry that girl. [to another man] Quit that job! I have the power!

Sam: Hold on a second here. You're not- You're not serious about quitting Cheers, are you? Because if you are-
Carla: No, you don't have to tell me. I can read your mind. You're afraid that we're gonna grow apart, and we're not gonna be friends anymore, because I'll be a psychic, and you'll be a lowly bartender.
Sam: Honey, you remember when you- you were reading my mind? Well you- you didn't get as much right as you thought.
Carla: Oh, yeah? What did I get wrong?
Sam: Everything.
Carla: But everything was so clear! Well, okay, maybe I didn't read your mind, but I was definitely reading somebody's mind, because those images were as clear as day.
Sam: Come on, Carla.
Carla: Okay. All right. Who here had a mother with black hair and a Labrador retriever? Come on! I can't be the only one! Oh!

Carla: Hello, Bob.
Madame Lazora: Madame Carla, study Bob's aura. Tell me, what do you see?
Bob: Can you see something?
Carla: Yeah, I can see something. I can see that you're a sucker, a big dope. For 20 years you've been forking over your hard-earned cash to a sleazy con artist. You have been taken in by the cheapest, most obvious scam in the world just because you wanted to believe it. I see that you should wise up, chump. [exits]
Madame Lazora: That will be $50, please.

Sam: I came to apologize. I blew up. You know, you've got to know I didn't mean any of that stuff. It's just... Ah, that Hill guy, man. Something about him just makes me act crazy.
Carla: Nah, forget it. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean that stuff. Oh, honey I just hope you can forgive me.
Sam: Oh, of course I can. Come on, you don't think I'd let that stuff get in between us, do you? You're my best friend.
Carla: Oh, Sammy, you're my best friend, too.
Sam: Oh, I know what it's like. It's probably just one of those things, right?
Carla: Exactly, it was just one of those things.
Sam: Yeah. I've been thinking about this. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to go up, I'm gonna talk to Hill calmly, you know, and ask him nicely, maybe I could use the Dumpster until I can buy one for myself. I swear to God I'll do it bright and early.
John: [enters in a bath robe] Well, not too early, Sam. I have a feeling I may be in a little late.
Carla: Okay, so it was just two of those things.