Sam: What is this? Come on. Tell us all about it.
Diane: Madame Likova has been visiting Boston and she consented to teach a class at the college. On a caprice, I decided to enroll and I was accepted. Our final session entailed doing a solo performance on videotape.
Carla: Oh, I get it. That way she could puke in the privacy of her own home.

Diane: [on the phone] Madame Likova! Yes, yes. This is Diane Chambers. I'm- I'm so glad I caught you. I... Yes. Yes, Madame Likova. I read it. I... Did you really mean everything you said? Ah, yes, I'm sorry. I know you always mean what you say. [line disconnects, dial tone buzzes] Hello? She hung up. Well, she was never one to chat.
This is unbelievable.
Frasier: Mmm.
Diane: I never thought I was this good. Maybe I've been too critical of myself.
Carla: I really don't think that's possible.
Diane: I must view my tape again, through Madame's eyes. Would any of you mind, if?
Carla: Mind? We'd be angry if you didn't.

Anthony: What is this, Sammy, no date?
Sam: Uh, your mom didn't want me to bring one.
Carla: I always like to be the prettiest woman in my house.
Eddie LeBec: [chuckles] And you always will be, baby.
Annie: You're no magazine cover yourself.

Carla: Well, well, this calls for a celebration. Waters all around.
Sam: Why, what?
Carla: Oh, this is truly sad. I mean, a guy who would never settle for less than eight dates a week is doing back-flips over a lousy "maybe."
Sam: Hey, come on, that's progress for me and Rebecca.
Carla: Face facts. You had it once but you lost it. You ain't nothing but Clavin in a good shirt.
Norm: Yeah, I guess we're gonna have to go shopping for a new hero.
Sam: Oh, guys, guys, I can't believe my ears.
Woody: Well, Sam, your ears are the least of your problems.

Carla: Why are you shaking like that? You walk all the way over here in the cold?
Gloria LeBec: I had to. My car keys were in my coat pocket.
Carla: Not anymore, I dropped them in the nearest mailbox. You'll get them in six to eight weeks.

Norm: New napkins, huh?
Sam: New napkins.
Cliff: What's this, huh? Oh, look. There's some kind of brain teaser on them.
Carla: Yup. You're out of luck.

Sam: Honey, it's kind of slow. Why- Why don't you take the day off, go see your mom, huh?
Carla: Might I remind you, Sam, my mother and I don't exactly get along.
Norm: You don't get along with anybody.
Carla: Yeah, well, this is different, and shut up! The last time I saw my mother, we had this terrible fight about this stupid family thing, and I swore I would never set foot in her lousy place again unless someone dragged me there kicking and screaming.
Sam: So, that's it, huh?
Carla: You're damned right. [Sam clicks his tongue] Drag me, Sammy.
Sam: Really?
Carla: Do it. Drag me. [Sam drags Carla] No! No! Cut it out! I don't want to go! No! No! I never want to see that shriveled old bag again!

Carla: No! Put me down! I don't want to go!
Zia: Oh, Carla, Carla! Oh, nobody would believe you would come! Oh, your sister is in there with your mother now, and you go next, yes? Oh, she will be so happy to see you. Carla! [laughs]
Carla: Sam, you remember Zia, the hugger.
Sam: Yeah.
Zia: Oh, Sam! Oh!

Carla: I'll pass. So, Zia, how's Mom? Carla, what kind of question is that? She had the dream. [gestures]
Sam: So, she's really sick, huh?
Zia: No. She doesn't have to be sick. She had the dream. [gestures]
Sam: Oh right.
Zia: She'll be dead soon. Have you had lunch?
Sam: Uh, actually, yeah, I did.
Zia: Oh, then this is dinner.
Sam: Oh, hey, thanks, Zia.
Zia: Eat up, Sam. Our family believes in, life is for the living. [laughs] Soon enough, we'll all be dead, rotting in the ground, with a mouth full of worms.
Sam: Great linguine.

Angeline: Thank you, Zia.
Zia: Oh, Carla, your sister's finished.
Angeline: Bitch.
Carla: Slut.
Zia: Oh, it's nice to see them talking.