Tobias: Well, uh, could we wait here until she gets back?
Ma Bark: Normally, I would say no, but the ostriches have been making a hell of a mess this past year. How's your gag reflex?
Tobias: Well, if you mean is my son anything like his father, well, he's never had any complaints.

Lucille: Meanwhile, we still don't have a Lindsay, and Sally is calling us out about it. We've got this elaborate float to help distract from the fact that there's no stair car this year, and nobody to put on it. Ugh, God.
Narrator: Fortunately, Tobias was finally calling.
Lucille: Oh, thank God, it's Tobias. [answers phone] You better have found my daughter. Sally is now in the race, and she's pointing out that no one has seen Lindsay in a week.
Tobias: Yes. I didn't want to get your hopes up, but I'm in Mexico and I have found Lindsay-
Lucille: Oh, thank God.
Tobias: -to be very stubborn. Oh, damn it, I just did exactly what I said I wouldn't do.

Tobias: [on the phone] How about I just make it about me? "It's incredibly important to me and my life"
Lucille: Where is this going?
Tobias: "and if you do this for me, I'm sure Lucille will make me permanent member of the Bluth family." That way, you're not lying to Lindsay...
Lucille: You are. Well, that sounds like the best of our diplomatic options, but you're in Mexico, for God's sake. Please tell me you prepared a few "against her wills."
Tobias: [chuckles] Oh, my gosh. I do miss that wit, Mother.
Lucille: It's Mrs. Bluth. I wasn't joking. And you're right, we need her standing, and dressed and ready for the parade.
Tobias: On it. In the meantime, wow, what a trip! [chuckles] Murphybrown saw an armadillo, men held us up at gunpoint, and I got to dress up as an os-
Narrator: It would be five minutes before he would realize she was no longer on the phone.

Narrator: It was the 2nd of July, and the Funkes had just finished working off their water and phone debt.
Ma Bark: I guess you earned your shower.
Tobias: Ugh. This thing does not breathe.
Ma Bark: I'll tell you who doesn't bitch like that, your son. I'll give you 500 bucks cash for this youngin' right now.
Narrator: And maybe that's when Tobias learned what it meant to be a father.
Tobias: [indistinct mumbling] [continues mumbling] My son is not for sale.
Murphybrown: Thanks, Dad.
Ma Bark: Then shower's off.

Tobias: We just talked about dreams, and you said you could unicycle and juggle.
Murphybrown: Oh! That's because my uncle, he taught me that stuff, when he used to come over to cheer me up on Father's Day.
Tobias: Robbie knows how to juggle?
Murphybrown: Who's Robbie?
Tobias: [laughing] Oh. Yes, of course. You wouldn't know my brother.

Tobias: Father, Mother, please. Our whole family is in crisis. For I have seen what happens when families turn on each other. Just as I found my son, I lost him. And just as I lost my wife, I- I found my replacement wife, but then I- I lost her. [crying] I- I have nobody.
Maeby: Well, you got me, Dad.
Tobias: Not now, Maeby. I have what? Like, one person.
Maeby: Click.

Tobias: You know, gang, I don't want to jinx it, but this certainly is better than living in that attic, yes?
Debrie: Oh, definitely.
Murphybrown: It's so great, Dad.
Tobias: And what's our number one rule?
Debrie & Murphybrown: Don't tell Michael.
Tobias: Well, yes, but I also meant, 88 more days, and squatter's rights kick in. [sings] 88 days and squatter's rights kick in [all sing] 88 days and squatter's rights kick in 88 days and squatter's rights...

Narrator: But before Oscar could even not share the news with Buster that they weren't on the run, Tobias would not solve a mystery he wasn't trying to solve himself.
Tobias: Oh, sorry, wrong tent. I- What am I doing, apologizing to a mannequin that looks like... Buster?
Oscar: Oh, guys, keep it down. I can hear you all the way in cano- What are you doing here?
Buster: Tobias?
Tobias: I live here.
Buster: So do we.
Tobias: Oh, not for long. Rumor has it they're gonna knock down these tents and put in a Santa Ski Village.
Buster: [sighs] Wow. Seems like we were just celebrating the second of July. We're already talking about December 19.

Buster: Too bad we can't go back to Maeby's. She had quite a sweet setup over at the Spotted Palm.
Tobias: My daughter has a place at the Spotted Palm?
Oscar: Yeah.
Tobias: Perhaps she should get better acquainted with her sibling and mother impersonator.
Buster: No, you have to be 55 and older.
Tobias: Well, that sounds like a challenge to any family that wasn't a ragtag troupe of folks whom I wish to become actors. [chuckles]

Narrator: As the trial was continuing, Dusty was desperate for any kind of witness.
Tobias: Guys and Dolls...
Narrator: Even one that came with a headshot.
Tobias: I was more than interested to try out to be one of the character witnesses in Buster's trial.
Dusty: Well, Tobias, thank you very much for offering.
Buster: That's very nice.
Tobias: Oh, please. I know the Buster character better than anyone. I could play Buster with one arm tied behind my back. In fact, I've played Buster with two arms tied behind my back. I was handcuffed.
Buster: [chuckles] Now, that's a witness.
Dusty: Um, we don't need you to play Buster on the stand, more just talk about him as a person.
Tobias: Oh. Well, you don't think I'd be more appealing as the accused? I mean, the Buster I played could never kill.