Sally: Look, Albright. Dr. Albright, you live by yourself. I could do that, right?
Mary: No comment.
Sally: So you think it's a good idea.
Mary: I refer you to my last response.
Dick: Mary, you can provide a preponderance of evidence that proves what a frightening responsibility living alone is.
Mary: Well, in order to do that, we would have to determine what the meaning of the word "is" is.
Sally: All right, look would you, in a million years, live in an attic with Dick, Tommy, and Harry?
Mary: Well, I really think that's a matter of-
Sally: Answer the question, please.
Mary: I would rather live in a box behind the 7-Eleven.

Tommy: So, Alissa, you know that big car that sweeps the ice? That's called the ice car.
Alissa: Isn't that a Zamboni?
Tommy: Yes. Yes, but Zamboni translated from Italian means "car of the ice", or ice car.

Harry: Hey, what about me?
Dick: Well, what about you?
Harry: Well, that's my point. I mean, you're the High Commander, and she's in charge of security. He's the information officer. What am I?
Dick: Well, you're... you're Harry.
Harry: Oh, sure, I got the fancy title, but what do I do? What am I good at?

Sally: Oh, my God, Don, please become a cop again.
Don: No way. I'm not cut out for that life. I'm fragile.
Sally: Don, you better sit down. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. You know how I've won every lumberjack competition I've ever been in without any previous lumberjacking experience?
Don: Yeah?
Sally: And remember that time I showed you how to make a cannon out of a coconut?
Don: Yeah.
Sally: Okay, well... [clears throat] I'm a highly trained security-and-weapons specialist.
Don: You are? No.
Sally: Oh, yes. [takes Don's gun apart and rebuilds it]
Don: Oh, Sally! Any time I've taken my gun apart, I had to buy a new gun.

Mary: How about the truth, Dick?
Dick: Tommy's coming up with the truth right now, but in the meantime I'm going to need you to play ball.
Mary: Oh, no. You're not gonna drag me into this.
Dick: Drag you into this? This whole thing is your fault! If it weren't for you, I never would have filed my damn tax return in the first place!
Mary: Well, if you hadn't fudged with my numbers, you wouldn't be in this situation.
Dick: Just remember this. If I go down, you're coming down with me! I hope you burn in hell, Mary Albright! [exits] [returns] Okay, that last bit was a little harsh. But it's been building up for eight long years.
Mary: Three.
Dick: Damn!

Sally: Hey, Mrs. Dubcek. You want a button?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah! I'm glad Harry is standing up for good old-fashioned family values. You could learn from this lesson, Sally. Never date a guy if he's not good to his wife and kids.

[on Mary's film:]
Nina: I'm not surprised Harry has a drinking problem. Being around Dr. Solomon messes people up in the head. You should know. You're sleeping with him. I bet you don't have the guts to put that in your film.
[to camera, on film:]
Mary: Yes, I do have the guts.