Tommy: What is it?
Dick: It's something to warm up my side of the office. Dr. Albright has her collection of tribal death masks, and now I have these. Look at this one. It says, "plan ahead," but the person who made it forgot to. [all laugh]
Harry: Take that, Mr. Advice Giver. Pow!
Tommy: "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps." [all laugh]
Dick: It sure does! I can't wait to show these to Dr. Albright and Nina. You know, over time, I've come to think of them less as my coworkers and more like a family. I'm the all-knowing father, Mary's the wife, and Nina is our adopted love child. Well, I better be going. The forecast for today is laughter. [all laugh]

Judith: Dr. Solomon, I'm Judith. I'm going to be sharing this office with you.
Dick: Judith.
Judith: This is my assistant. My brother, Roger.
Dick: Roger.
Roger: Please don't shake my hand. I've just washed it.
Judith: Two rules. When I do not wish to be disturbed, I will place my nameplate face down on my desk. And in the morning, whoever arrives first will flip on the ionizer.
Dick: You know, the woman who was previously in this office had no trouble with the level of ionization.
Judith: Believe me, you will like me. Most people do.

Judith: Roger says you must never leave these on his desk again.
Dick: Hmm. Whatever.
Judith: "One of these days I am going to get organizized." [laughs] That's marvelous!
Dick: It's moronic! Now be quiet.

Nina: "One of these days I am going to get organizized." Funny.
Dick: Oh, I knew you'd love it. Whoever wrote this is a raving genius.

Sally: I'm really going to miss this place.
Harry: Yeah, but you got some lovely prizes.
Sally: I know. A sipper cup, a pair of circulation socks and a kidney-shaped salad bowl.
Harry: Sweet!
Sally: I could just hang out here all day.
Harry: I know, it's like Disneyland with a slightly higher fatality rate.

Tommy: [wearing a doctor's coat] Hey, look what I got.
Sally: Wow!
Tommy: It was just hanging over there behind a door.
Harry: Whoa! Well, are there any left?
Tommy: Yeah, and the best part is, you can go anywhere you want to, people treat you like a God, and you get 10% off everything at the gift shop.

Harry: Looks like a burst appendix. Don't let the saline count fool you. I know this man is a diabetic.
Doctor: No, he isn't.
Harry: You're suspended.

Harry: Looks like a burst appendix. Don't let the saline count fool you. I know this man is a diabetic.
Doctor: This is a uterus.
Harry: You're suspended.

[Dick sobs as he reads Love Story]
Sally: What is your problem?
Dick: I'm sorry. I just can't believe what passed for literature in the '70s.

Dick: Oh, I see. You're leaving me. I guess it was a mistake to get so close.
Mary: Oh. Well, we'll still see each other.
Dick: Oh, please, don't patronize me. Just go.
Mary: Dick, I've never had my own office. I've waited twelve years for this. And I need the extra space for my artifacts.
Dick: Oh, to hell with your tchotchkes! I want you to stay here!
Mary: Well, sometimes you can't get what you want.
Dick: You're getting what you want.
Mary: Sometimes you can.