Dick: Lieutenant, Information Officer, Transmitter...
Sally, Harry & Tommy: High Commander.
Dick: My family.
Sally: Dick, I'm leaking.
Tommy: [sings] Across the void we come a-warping [Harry joins in] Across the fields of stars we-- Soar
All: [sing] We pledge to land and something-- [humming] Spaceship And when at last our mission's finished In duty homeward shall we fly Our glory cannot be diminished Back to the heavens in our mighty... spaceship

Sally: Oh, my God, Don, please become a cop again.
Don: No way. I'm not cut out for that life. I'm fragile.
Sally: Don, you better sit down. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. You know how I've won every lumberjack competition I've ever been in without any previous lumberjacking experience?
Don: Yeah?
Sally: And remember that time I showed you how to make a cannon out of a coconut?
Don: Yeah.
Sally: Okay, well... [clears throat] I'm a highly trained security-and-weapons specialist.
Don: You are? No.
Sally: Oh, yes. [takes Don's gun apart and rebuilds it]
Don: Oh, Sally! Any time I've taken my gun apart, I had to buy a new gun.

Don: What are you, like, with the Feds, or something?
Sally: Something like that, but a little bit bigger.
Don: Interpol?
Sally: I've been undercover here for years. I can't tell you my mission. It will put you in jeopardy. But what you just saw me do to that gun, I'm gonna do to you.
Don: I've got sciatica.
Sally: Don, I'm gonna rebuild you from the ground up.
Don: Why?
Sally: 'Cause I love you, Don. 'Cause I love you.

Nina: Hey, Albright, what's the deal here?
Mary: I can tell you anything, right?
Nina: Well, you have.
Mary: Dick is an alien, and I'm going to travel with him on a spaceship and be the size of a trophy.
Nina: Okay, go easy on the champagne. I'm not driving you home again. I just finished shampooing my carpets from the last time.

Dick: Um, everybody, please, I--I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight. Friends, with your help and love, you've shown us how to make sense of the world. And when the world hasn't made any sense at all, you've taught us to sit back and enjoy it. You've taught us what's right, what's real, and what's beautiful about this planet. And for that, we are eternally grateful.
Strudwick: [enters] All right, listen up. I wanna leave, but there's a spaceship blocking my car!
Dick: A spaceship. [laughs]
Dick, Sally, Harry & Tommy: Let's go!

Sally: Oh, great! They didn't trust us to leave on our own, and now we're busted.
Harry: Dick?
Tommy: Okay, start out by telling them we're not gonna harm anybody. We have no special powers.
Dick: Right.
Harry: Dick?
Tommy: Then if they don't buy that, tell 'em we do have special powers.
Dick: Right.
Harry: Dick?
Dick: Harry, shh! People of Earth, we come in peace. That's right, I said, "People of Earth." Sally, Tommy, Harry, come join me here. My fellow aliens. That's right, I said, "My fellow aliens." [door opening]
Don: Citizens of Rutherford... whose vehicle is this?
Dick: What the hell is going on?
Harry: I tried to tell you. I got it for the party. Well, it was either that or the moon bouncy thing.

Sally: Hey, Donny. You did it. You're a cop again.
Don: That's right. Sorry I can't stay. I've got a 312 over in Atherton. And for the first time, I know what that means.
Sally: Well, hey, give me a minute, will ya? I mean, you're not the only one taking a powder.
Don: Don't go soft on me, Solomon.
Sally: When was I ever soft?
Don: And, Sally thank you for teaching me how to be a man.
Sally: It's nothin'. Thank you for teaching me how to be a woman. [they kiss]
Don: If you ever need backup...
Sally: I'll give you a call. [they salute]

Strudwick: What's going on here, Dick? You told me this was a masquerade ball recreating the court of King Louis XVI.
Dick: I know. Isn't it great? [laughs]
Strudwick: I am gonna get you back, Dick Solomon!
Dick: Don't speak. I want to remember you [laughs] just as you are.

Sally: This cannot be happening.
Dick: This is horrible. How am I gonna leave Mary? She's-- She's everything to me! I'm gonna ask her to come.
All: Oh, no.
Tommy: You can't bring her. She'd be classified as contraband.
Harry: Yeah, if I can't bring saltwater taffy, you can't bring Albright.

Sally: Oh, my God, you guys. What am I gonna do about Don? I can't leave him the pathetic muffin-making mess that he is.
Tommy: Ah, pipe down. You knew the mission was gonna end. Now it's ending. Get it together.
Sally: Okay, see, here it comes. Why do you always get like this when missions come to an end?
Dick: Yeah, good-bye, teenager. Hello, crotchety old man.
Tommy: Ah, pinch your mouth shut.