Nina: You know, I'm not feeling too great. If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go home and get into bed.
Mary: Oh, of course it's okay with me. And if you don't feel well tomorrow, don't bother coming in.
Dick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! She can't stay home tomorrow. It's a workday. I want you to feel better, Nina, but coffee doesn't just magically float into my cup.
Nina: I'll leave some coffee in the machine.
Dick: No, no, no. I don't drink day-old coffee.
Nina: Yes, you do. [exits]

Mary: Dick, I've been through this white guilt thing, too.
Dick: White guilt?
Mary: Oh, yeah. As a matter of fact, one of my ancestors was a proponent of slavery.
Dick: Who?
Mary: Well, actually... my mom.
Dick: How do you live with yourself?
Mary: She's not me, and I've learned by observing her behavior that we have the power to do whatever we want. We have the power to make changes in society.
Dick: We do?
Mary: Absolutely. So stop feeling guilty and do something. After all, it's not like you picked the color of your skin, right?

Dick: All right, Tommy. We were lucky enough to land on earth in the middle of the biggest bull market in history, so it's time that we took advantage of it.
Tommy: And you expect to make enough money in the stock market to take Albright to Cancun.
Dick: Yeah. But if we'd found out about the stock market when we first landed here, we would own freakin' Cancun.
Tommy: Excuse me. I read all about it right after we landed.
Dick: Well, why didn't you say anything?
Tommy: Dick, I was thirteen-years-old, I wasn't obsessed with money. I was obsessed with boobs.
Dick: Well, why haven't you said anything since?
Tommy: Again, boobs.

Dick: Sally, you know, fragrance is an integral part of the human experience. The smell of flowers in the springtime, the aroma of fresh baked apple pie.
Harry: A beautiful sunset with pink and orange streaking the sky.
Tommy: Harry, that's a sight, not a smell.
Harry: Oh. Well, I knew it was one of those face hole things.

Sally: Okay, damage control, you guys. We have to normalize the situation.
Dick: But how?
Sally: What if we chimpify everyone in... say, the Ukraine? We tell Albright that Liam is Ukrainian.
Harry: Yeah. And it finally caught up with him.
Dick: Yeah! It's settled! Tonight, we fly to Kiev.
Sally: Wait, wait. That's, like, a 12-hour flight.
Dick: Yeah, and you have to connect through Warsaw. It's a bitch.
Harry: Mmm, yeah. Once you get there, you lost the whole day.
Sally: Ooh, I have a better idea! Why don't you just deny it and then act like it never happened?
Dick: That's right. Deny. Good idea. And we have a kick-ass Ukrainian Plan B.

Dick: 44 across. "Men are from Mars, women are from..." Let's see, five letters starting with V. Ah! "Vegas."

Dick: Hey. What are you doing lollygagging about?
Tommy: Lollygagger.
Dick: You. Get off the phone.
Tommy: See me in my office.
Dick: Get him an office. Hey, I notice you're all drinking from separate cups. One cup per group.
Tommy: We're trying to run a business here.
Dick: Not a water-drinking factory.
Tommy: What is with all the computers in here?
Dick: Hasn't anybody heard of an abacus?!