Mrs. Dubcek: Well, this came for you. The mailman accidentally left it in my bedroom.

Sally: You know that song Macho Man?
Tommy: Mm-hmm.
Sally: He's who they're singing about.
Tommy: So I guess rugged good looks and broad shoulders really do it for you women.
Sally: Oh, please. Lots of guys have that. But Justin- Justin can fix things. He can build things. He's got a belt full of tools. A... A tool belt, if you will.
Tommy: How am I supposed to compete with guys like that? I mean, look at me. My arms are stick-thin. I shave, like, once a month. My ass is flat.
Sally: Sweetie, listen to me. Don't be so hard on yourself, Okay? I mean, I'm sure there are a lot of girls who are more than willing to settle for a tiny, little wussy like you.
Tommy: That helped very little.

Dick: Mary, what happened to your arm?
Mary: Oh, it's nothing. After they wrapped my ribs, the nurse walked me to my car and slammed my shoulder into the door.
Dick: I guess accidents will happen, huh?
Mary: Yeah. [chuckles] She then took me back to the hospital, and they forced it back into its socket, gave me a shot of cortisone.
Dick: Oh, well, I hope that made it feel better.
Mary: Well, no. The cortisone was mismarked. It was minoxidil. But they tell me the excess hair will fall out by beach weather.