Dean: Where did this come from?
Granddaddy Clisby: I called my goose guy.
Dean: Why do you need a goose?
Granddaddy Clisby: To make goose grease.
Adult Dean: If Granddaddy Clisby thought he was making things clearer, he was wrong.
Bill: Can someone tell me what the heck a pre-wash is? Dad, no.
Granddaddy Clisby: Kept you healthy your whole childhood, son.
Bill: More like it kept me smelling bad and swatting flies my whole childhood.
Dean: Dad, Granddad's about to teach me to make goose grease. You should join us, then it'll be the three generations of Williams men making memories.
Bill: I'm not participating in any of this nonsense.
Granddaddy Clisby: Pay him no attention. You're about to learn the magic of goose grease.

Dean: What about one of your war stories, Dad?
Bill: Aw.
Granddaddy Clisby: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell him about the time that you sliced your finger while cutting a tomato during the Battle of Ham Sandwich. You see, your brother, Bruce, and I fought in combat while your father was banging pots in the safety of the kitchen.
Bill: Well, they say an army marches to battle on its stomach.
Granddaddy Clisby: Well, you got that right. [both laugh]

Lillian: Dean, I can see you've been scratching. I brought you something for the itch. Y'all need to use it.
Granddaddy Clisby: No, ma'am. I'm not taking the White man's medicine.
Bill: Dad, I know you don't trust doctors, but you can't avoid them forever.
Granddaddy Clisby: Watch me.
Bill: See what I'm putting up with over here?

Dean: I thought we weren't leaving for two more hours.
Kim: We're not, but Granddaddy didn't want to wait while I shop for my... delicates.
Granddaddy Clisby: Well, now, ladies underwear ain't no place for a grown man to be waiting. Shouldn't even have to be looking at it.
Brad: Kim, I mean, if you need some help, I... [Grandaddy Clisby glares at Brad]

Dean: Hey, everyone. Come over here for a minute. So, this is my granddad, Mr. Williams. He's gonna be hanging out with us for a while.
Granddaddy Clisby: Yeah, now, I got a question. Why would young and healthy children want to hang out in this cold mall rather than play in the sunshine outside? I mean, what's so special about this place?
Dean: Well, there's a food court. [murmuring agreement]
Granddaddy Clisby: Boy, you can eat at home.
Cory: And the movies.
Granddaddy Clisby: Well, I never was one for going to the movies. They used to make us sit up in the balcony and see the same shows that other people got to see from the good seats. But your dad used to beg me and beg me to let him go so he could be free with his friends, but it wasn't safe, him to be going around and about where anything could happen to him.
Adult Dean: I began to see why my dad was so overprotective, and maybe it wasn't overprotective. Maybe it was wise.

Norman: That sure was rated R for a reason.
Granddaddy Clisby: Oh, please. You couldn't even see the baby.
Brad: Then why is it still in my head?
Cory: I just want my mama.
Granddaddy Clisby: Don't tell me this movie scared you kids. You got to toughen up! Listen, when I was 12 years old, I had already killed a platoon full of German soldiers during the Great War. I shot some of them, put the bayonet to the rest of them.
Keisa: How'd the let you in the army if you were still in junior high?
Granddaddy Clisby: Because I had a full beard and a mustache at 11. [laughter]
Dean: You're funny, Granddad. Thanks for the movie.
Adult Dean: Granddad did me such a huge favor that day. My friends thought he was cool, and that made me cool, too.
Granddaddy Clisby: Let's just keep this R-rated movie between the two of us, all right?

Granddaddy Clisby: Well, he certainly can't serve in the army with that hair. So, Bray, were you able to do anything with it?
Bray: Well, I trimmed it up. Now your grandson looks nice and neat, like Wicked Wilson Pickett. [laughter]
Coach Long: See, you just don't like the afro style, Mr. Williams.
Granddaddy Clisby: Okay.
Coach Long: [chuckles] Come on, Mr. Williams. Look, you know they say that, uh, Jesus had hair like wool. [laughter]
Granddaddy Clisby: You see, he's just saying that because his hair look like the back end of a fat sheep's dookey. [laughter] Now, that's wrong. [laughter]

Granddaddy Clisby: I'm, uh, I'm heading home. It's dinner time.
Dean: It's 4:30, Granddad.
Granddaddy Clisby: Damn. It's gonna be cold.
Lillian: Clisby, have you had chicken pox before?
Granddaddy Clisby: I've had everything from the Spanish flu, mustard gas, hoof-and-mouth. You name it, I'm immune to it.

Granddaddy Clisby: I've got my own remedies. Much better than any doctor's. You'll see.
[later, the doorbell rings and Dean opens the front door to find a dead bird wrapped up on the front porch]
Dean: [yelps]
Granddaddy Clisby: Oh, good. My goose is here.

Adult Dean: Granddaddy surprised everybody with his perfect blood test, proving that he's inexplicably as healthy as a horse. My dad, on the other hand, found out he has high cholesterol.
Bill: Come on, Lil. Why don't you give me a little piece of that roast?
Lillian: Bill, you had two eggs this morning. You're already over your limit for the day. Come on, it's just 'til you get your numbers down.
Granddaddy Clisby: Mmm! This pot roast is delicious. Well, maybe you could trade one bite for one egg next week. [laughter]
Bill: So this is how it's gonna be?