Hampton: Ah, isn't it magical? All of our hard work has finally paid off, and you've got the best job in the house. You get to see everyone's faces as they first lay eyes on our underwater fantasy. "Fanta-sea." That would have been a good one.

Adult Dean: After an hour of mean-mugging and shooting the occasional spitball at Pam and Kwame, my friends had to get home.
Cory: Sorry about all this, man.
Hampton: Yeah, that Pam is a real Jezebel. Actually, she makes Jezebel look like Ruth. [off their looks] It's not just a book, guys!

Cory: You guys have the house to yourselves? Cool.
Norman: That'd never happen with my mom and dad.
Hampton: Even if my parents weren't there, I still wouldn't be alone. My Granny's ghost talks to me through the oven.
Adult Dean: Man, looking back now, I sure wish we'd dug in on that a little more. Eh, oh, well.

Adult Dean: I was so caught up in my poetic genius, I didn't even realize I had accidentally confessed my love to Keisa.
Dean: She probably didn't even notice, anyway. I saw a whole bunch of people write that.
Brad: Yeah. Girls do that to other girls.
Hampton: You only say "love" to your mom or wife. And your dad when he's about to die.

Dean: Where did you guys get these?
Brett: From our dads' secret stashes.
Hampton: [covers eyes] If I don't see it, it's not a sin. [peeks] Hmm.
Brett: You've seen nudie magazines before, right?
Cory: Of course he has.
Dean: Yes, of course. [looks at magazine] Why's he sweating so much? A fever? Lucky for him, his wife's a nurse.
Adult Dean: I'd never felt this way before. It was exciting, titillating, taboo. But I had to play it cool in front of the guys. [Hampton groans] Which became a lot easier after Hampton passed out.
Brett: He's fine. This happened in biology class, too.

Adult Dean: I was busted. I knew this meant a trip to the principal's office. But I couldn't show fear in front of the guys. Which, again, Hampton made easier.
Hampton: [groans] [thud]
Brett: He's fine. This happened in detention, too.

Cory: Hey, man, count me in.
Norman: Me too.
Hampton: Me three. My mom told me there's Bible Jeopardy. We could demolish.
Dean: No, Hampton. We're going because of the girls.
Hampton: The girls. Yeah.

Cory: Wasn't that... the best?
Hampton: Yeah. God reconciled with his people. The bush was on fire and talking.
Cory: Not the movie, Hampton. The girls.
Hampton: Oh, yeah. That was cool too. I got my first kiss.
Dean: What?
Hampton: Yeah. Tammy made an honest man out of me.

Hampton: Did you kiss Charlene?
Dean: Heck, no!
Hampton: Hey, watch your mouth!
Adult Dean: I didn't want Charlene to jeopardize my chances with Keisa, so I did what any respectable man in my situation would do.
Dean: Uh, you know, Hampton, uh, after spending a lot of time with Charlene, I think that you two would make a pretty good couple. Um, plus, Pastor Reliford would like you, uh, 'cause you guys have so much in common... uh, you know, uh, God... Bible stuff. I'd be willing to let her go. For you.
Hampton: Thou shall not commit adultery, Dean. Did you learn nothing from the movie?

Cory: Three years? Are you out of your mind? By then, you'll be... "just a friend." [both shudder]
Dean: Why? Is being friends bad?
Cory: Girls don't fall in love with their friends.
Hampton: Yeah, my mom and dad aren't friends at all.
Cory: Are you going to ask her to the Valentine's Day dance?
Brad: Not as a friend?
Dean: Check this out. Music. Dancing. The opening refrain to "When a Man Loves a Woman". Then I'll reveal my true feelings for Keisa.
Cory: Hmm.
Dean: No?
Hampton: Don't listen to them, Dean. I'm on the dance's planning committee, and this year's theme will be perfect for your plan. I could tell you the theme now, but I'd hate to give away the surprise. [all silent] Fine, it's "Under The Sea." Happy?