Coach Long Quotes Page 1 of 2  

Quote from Be Prepared

Adult Dean: I could tell my dad was feeling terrible about what I said at the lake. I was feeling pretty lousy myself, and he obviously needed my help putting up that tent. But you know what? I was cooking a marshmallow, and those things go from brown to black real quick.
Coach Long: [breathes sharply] It looks like your father could use a hand.
Dean: It's not my fault he doesn't know what he's doing. He's really bad at this.
Coach Long: Bad? [laughing] He's the worst. [chuckles] Always has been. Now, when we were around your age, a bunch of us would go out into the woods, and your father would stay home and practice his saxophone. And he would yell at us, "Y'all can waste your time chasing those squirrels, 'cause I'm gonna stay home and practice so I can play at the Blue Note in New York City." And I'll be damned if he didn't play there before we graduated college. [chuckles] And I'll be honest... I couldn't believe when I heard he volunteered to be the troop leader.
Dean: Then why'd he do it?
Coach Long: Well, if I had to take a guess, um... he wanted his son to do something that was important to him, and if that meant looking a little foolish... well... he was man enough to let it happen. [chuckles] [distant laughter] Boy, how many times I told y'all about playing catch with the hatchet?!


Quote from Pilot

Coach Long: A scrimmage against some all-White team from across town? Hell, no.
Dean: But our friend Brad's on that team. We go to the same school. We should be able to play each other.
Coach Long: Do us both a favor, put all that energy in learning how to catch a fly ball without [bleep] your pants.
Adult Dean: If a coach said that today, he'd have to go to sensitivity training. At least that's what they made me do when I cussed out my son's team.

Quote from Black Teacher

Mr. Brady: Well, I wish all the parents were as enthusiastic as you all. There have been some thoughts about my teaching style.
Coach Long: Hmm, some thoughts.
Bill: Thoughts, huh?
Lillian: Well, that's not surprising. You're new to the South, and things can be a bit different down here. For example, uh, Cliff and I work at a somewhat... conservative office.
Coach Long: She mean White folks. We work with White folks.

Quote from Be Prepared

Coach Long: Bill Williams. What you know about camping?
Bill: It's just like going on the road with my band, except more marshmallows, but if you want to spend time with your boy, I guess it'd be okay if you came along as my assistant.
Coach Long: Well, I... I see it as a co-leader situation.
Bill: Ah, let's not get hung up on titles. We're doing this for the boys, right?
Coach Long: Of course. Titles are just words.
Bill: Just words.
Coach Long: Like, uh... "Eagle Scout." "1/16th Cherokee." Just words. [backs out of the room]
Bill: Just words.

Quote from Pilot

Lillian: Why would you want to play with a bunch of White boys?
Coach Long: Exactly.
Dean: Why does that matter?
Coach Long: Oh, it doesn't to us. But trust me, it will to them.
Dean: How do you know if you don't try? Isn't that what you're always telling me?
Lillian: For what it's worth, I met Brad's dad, and he's our kind of people.
Coach Long: That still don't mean I want some whitey pitcher throwing at our boys' heads.
Lillian: Well, let's not get to calling names.
Adult Dean: Never mind that there were teams called the Redskins, Chiefs, and Savages and no one batted an eye.

Quote from Pilot

Coach Long: Bill, if you got a problem with the way I coach, say so.
Dean: Be cool. Be cool.
Bill: I thought instead of a new glove, maybe Dean just needed better instruction.
Coach Long: No. Well, listen, man. This ain't no piano recital. So you stick to the do-re-mi's and I'll stick to the one-two-threes.
Bill: That doesn't even make sense. It just rhymes.
Coach Long: Well, I could say the same thing about your songs.
Bill: Oh, so you raggin' on my music now? Well, I may be a musician, but I still struck you out, let's not forget.
Coach Long: You know what? That was in sixth grade, and I didn't hit my growth spurt yet.
Bill: [chuckles] "Yet."

Quote from The Workplace

Dean: Is Cory with you today?
Coach Long: Uh, no. See, um, my brother-in-law, he's a former Tuskegee Airman. Cory wanted to spend some time with him. I mean, matter of fact, he's probably looking at a P Redtail Mustang fighter plane as we speak, baby.
Dean: Glad we're both having fun.
Coach Long: [to Lillian] Hey, um... I hope you brought this boy an extra jacket, 'cause you know they keep it cold in here. [Lillian laughs]
Adult Dean: I wouldn't understand that joke until my freshman year in college when I had my first White roommate. Thanks, Connor Murphy.

Quote from Be Prepared

Adult Dean: Spending a weekend in the woods with a bunch of 12-year-olds was definitely not my dad's idea of a good time, but there was no way he was gonna let Coach Long show him up. So before our trip, he broke the bank at the sporting goods store. The man came to play.
Coach Long: Uh, Bill? What... What... What you doing with all that stuff? [Bill is silent] Now, you know I could survive for a week with just a knife, a canteen, and two sticks to rub together.
Bill: Well, you enjoy your sticks. I believe that if you're gonna do something, you should do it in style.

Quote from Lads and Ladies and Us

Vivian: I hear you. That's why we're thinking about putting our Cory into Lads and Ladies.
Coach Long: Yeah, we want to get him around some children with some good families that share the same values that we do.
Lillian: We talked about joining when they were starting that local chapter a few years back. Remember, Bill?
Bill: Yeah, but I'm not sure we're Lads and Ladies-type people. We do all right, but we're not fancy like they are.
Coach Long: You mean like us? Now, we can get up and get into our brand-new Cadillac out front and leave.
Bill: Don't get your 'fro all bent out of shape, Mr. Rockefeller. You're not going anywhere with us sitting on ten books over here.
Coach Long: Yeah, you right about that. [laughter]

Quote from Bill's New Gig

Adult Dean: My Dad started teaching music to college kids after I was born. At first, it was temporary, to pay the bills for his growing family. But over time, he grew to enjoy it. And all his years of hard work and boring committee meetings finally paid off when he was granted tenure. Tonight, we celebrate him.
Lillian: [glass clinks] To my wonderful husband, Bill, or as he'll now be known... Professor Williams! [cheers and laughter]
Bruce: Professor Williams!
Cory: So, uh, Mr. Williams, are you rich now?
Vivian: Oh, Cory! You don't ask people that. That's rude.
Coach Long: Oh, no, no, no. Now... Now I wanna know now. Um, we talking pinky-up money or pinky-down money?

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