Brad Hitman Quotes
Quote from Green Eyed Monster
Brad: [raises hand] Uh... I'm sad about Mr. King's death, too.
Mrs. Hodges: Nice try, Brad. You already got out of eight days of homework last Hanukkah.
Quote from Brad Mitzvah
Brad: For my Bar Mitzvah, I studied a Rabbinic text that explains that every person is given three names. The first is the name given to you by your parents. For me, that was Baruch, my Hebrew name. The second is the name given to you by your friends. For me, that was Brad. But the third is the most important name. It's the name you give yourself. Now, it's that third one I was stuck on. I had to really think about who I was, separate from who people wanted me to be or who people were forcing me to be. Being Jewish in Montgomery means feeling different all the time. I spent a lot of that time... feeling embarrassed about being Jewish. But I don't want to feel that way anymore. So from now on, I'm not just gonna stand by while people make fun of me or try to make me feel bad. No, instead, I'm gonna stand up for myself, for my people, and for what I believe is right.
Now, I may I not know what my third name is yet, but I do know who I am. A proud Jew from Alabama. [laughter] Thank you, and Shabbat Shalom! [applause, crowd shouting "Shabbat Shalom!"]
Adult Dean: It was in that moment that I started seeing Brad in a new light. Up until that point, I could name all the things that made us different, but after Brad's speech, it was clear we had way more in common than I'd ever realized.
Adult Dean: And it was those similarities that made us that much closer and our friendship that much stronger, even to this day. Brad later confided in me that he did take my advice and pictured everyone in their underwear. Unfortunately, that also included my sister. [Brad holds the scrolls in front of himself as he backs away] Poor Brad. He needed a moment to compose himself afterwards.
Brad: [to Rabbi] No. No, no.
Quote from Where No Dean Has Been Before
Brad: Yeah, well, I can't Saturday. I have to go to a bris.
Dean: What's that?
Brad: It's a ceremony for the thing Norman never had done.
Norman: You're not supposed to look.
Adult Dean: Everybody looks.
Quote from Pilot
Brad: Hey, fellas! What's happening?
Adult Dean: Brad, the Pee Wee Reese to my Jackie Robinson. That is if Pee Wee Reese were Jewish and Jackie Robinson couldn't catch a fly ball.
Cory: Take a guess.
Brad: Dean's still afraid to tell Keisa he likes her? Film at 11:00.
Dean: Shut up, Brad.
Brad: What? I'm telling you, she already knows.
Dean: How? Unless you blabbed.
Brad: She can tell by the stupid way you look at her. You look like a wet dream.
Cory: It's such a wet dream.
Dean: I do not look like a wet dream.
Adult Dean: Okay, we clearly had no idea what that meant yet. Still, good burn.
Quote from Pilot
Brad: You guys have practice today, too?
Dean: Yeah. Who do you think would win if our teams played each other?
Brad: We would. But we only play teams on our side of town.
Dean: Think about how boss it'd be to have our teams meet.
Dean: Your dad's the coach. He'll go for it, right?
Brad: Uh, maybe. I mean, he watches I Spy.
Cory: Cool. You ask your dad, and we'll ask mine.
Quote from Pilot
Brad: This may not be the right time, but, dude, your sister is choice.
Dean: Shut up, Brad.
Quote from Be Prepared
Adult Dean: But I was not going to give up that easily. I was on a mission to find my own version of the suburban middle-class dream, one my dad couldn't possibly say no to.
Brad: And I got this one for archery, and this one was for canoeing.
Cory: What's that one for?
Brad: Camping. We went on this super cool trip to the state park. We didn't shower or brush our teeth for two whole days.
Brad: Yeah. And I chopped down a tree with a hatchet by myself.
Cory: [chuckling] Oh, man.
Adult Dean: The Dixie Scouts. Of course! It had everything... the great outdoors, terrible hygiene, and the unsupervised use of a lethal weapon. Couldn't get more all-American than that.
Girl: Hey, Brad. Cool uniform.
Adult Dean: And it appears the ladies love a man in uniform. That clinched it.
Quote from Home for Christmas
Brad: [whispering] Hey, Dean. Does Bruce seem normal to you?
Dean: Yeah, of course. Why?
Brad: 'Cause I just watched this movie on TV about this soldier who came back from the war. He was, like, psycho.
Cory: Yeah, I saw that one. That lady asked him how he wanted his steak, and he was like, "I want it... raw."
Brad: Yeah, yeah. And then he went crazy and stabbed everybody in the park.
Norman: Cool. I heard that was based on a true story.
Quote from Black Teacher
Adult Dean: So much of our early lives are shaped by teachers. Outside of our parents, they can be our first role models. They pour so much into us, and still, teachers are basically strangers. As kids, we didn't even see them as people, and we definitely never thought about their personal lives, unless we had to.
Mrs. Anderson: Now, before we go, I wanted to let y'all know that, sadly, this will be my last week in class before my visit from the stork.
Brad: How is she even pregnant? Isn't she like 62?
Adult Dean: Mrs. Anderson was 30, but at that age, we thought all our teachers were ancient.
Mrs. Anderson: You'll meet your new teacher tomorrow, and I expect you to all be as wonderful to them as you have been to me.
Adult Dean: English class was pretty boring, but we loved Mrs. Anderson, especially pregnant Mrs. Anderson. The bigger her stomach got, the less homework she assigned. We were more excited about that baby than she was.
Brad: What are the odds we can get another pregnant lady in here? [all chuckle]