Deangelo: I'm no MJ. I can do his dunk. From the free throw line.
Kevin: Whoa.
Darryl: Damn! Mad respect for my brotha!
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say, and soon, I will say it in Chinese.

Michael Scott: So that is how it ends. My last Dundies ever. I was hoping it'd be more like Godfather III. That wrapped up the whole franchise in an extremely satisfying way. But instead it is like Godfather I! That was very confusing, had maybe three big laughs. Oh, well.

Dwight K. Schrute: The principle is sound. To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don't know why everyone doesn't do this. Maybe they have something against living forever.

Jim: Ah. You brought in your doll collection.
Dwight K. Schrute: These are not dolls, Jim. These are commodities, the same as gold or oil.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Every year I do research to determine which toy will be the most popular of the Christmas season. This year it's a doll. Half girl, half unicorn. Catch phrase: "My horn can pierce the sky." Pathetic. I bought out every store in the area over the last couple of weeks. And as lazy parents become more desperate, I will sell them at an enormous profit. Isn't that right, princess?

Michael Scott: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice, like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake.

Karen: Jim's nice enough. I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera, like this. What is that?

Pete: Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having sex.
Nellie: Oh, you salty dog.
Darryl: Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play.
Pete: There you go.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing.

Dwight K. Schrute: In a way it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson.

Kevin: So Dwight doesn't understand silent auctions. I guess he's the stupid guy in the office, huh? Up till now, we didn't have one!

Phyllis: If it makes you feel any better, I never had an orgasm until I was forty-two. And then when I did, it lasted 'til I was forty-four.
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: Forty-three was ju- I got nothing done. [laughs]