Best ‘The Office’ Quotes Page 25 of 25
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Tallahassee
Dwight K. Schrute: Today is the first day of Sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores. I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram, head of special projects. Work starts at nine. Sabre HQ is thirty minutes away, driving the speed limit. Giving everyone twenty minutes to shower, plus fifty for Jim to style his hair, twenty for breakfast, forty for Erin to get lost between her room and the lobby, ninety for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy... We're already twenty minutes late.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Special Project
Andy: Alright, look. I gotta keep this office functioning somehow. So, I have put together a list. Here's your team: Darryl and Phyllis you can have, but you're also taking Kathy, Kelly and Kevin.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh God.
Andy: You have your team.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Kevin? Kelly? Kathy? Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links. Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have. And now I no longer own an arctic wolf.
Andy: So, what did you bring?
Oscar: Oh yeah, I don't know if it's right, but-
Senator Lipton: Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you hit it out of the park.
Angela: Aw, preemie pajamas!
Oscar: Again, it may not be the right size. I can return-
Angela: No, I think he came early just so he could wear these. Thank you.
Kevin: I got Little Kevin "Call of Duty".
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: This baby is clearly not premature. They're lying about the date it was conceived. It's very interesting. And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow.
Quote from Stanley in Doomsday
Stanley: I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyone's signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt! [laughing]
Oscar: It's not that funny.
Quote from Jim in Garden Party
Jim: Why do you keep reading that garden party book? I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea?
Dwight K. Schrute: There's so much more to it than that.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into the high-end event hosting industry for some time, and this party is a great opportunity. Plus, I've got a secret weapon. [holds up a book: "The Ultimate Guide to Throwing A Garden Party" by James Trickington] Only one copy in the world and some sucker on the internet sold it to me for two dollars. [laughs]
[also to camera:]
Jim: I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing. [holds up same book] I've only sold one copy.
Quote from Darryl in Ultimatum
Bookstore employee: Well, if you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers. They're really neat.
Darryl: Whoa, I work at a paper company, those things terrify me. They could put us out of business, you know? I heard those machines hold, like, ten books at once.
Bookstore employee: Actually, it's ten thousand.
Darryl: Holy [bleep]. What? Let me see that. It's so light. Like a croissant.
Quote from Michael Scott in China
Michael Scott: My whole life I believed that America was number one. That was the saying. Not America is number two. England is number two. China should be like eight.
Quote from Michael Scott in Whistleblower
Jo: When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there... and they'd make a Barbie out of me.
Michael Scott: Hmm, hmm.
Jo: I hate that I sell cheap printers, I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, it's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
Michael Scott: You know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you.
Jo: Oh honey, surely you don't want that.
Michael Scott: I, I surely do, and don't call me honey. [Jo laughs] Airplane II.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Body Language
Michael Scott: Buenos dias, Jaime.
Jim: Buenos dias, Miguel. Como estas? Bien? Claro que si! Yo estoy fantastico. Que pasa?
Michael Scott: Ha ha! Buenos dias, Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: Guten tag, Herr Michael.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't understand why Michael is wasting his time with Spanish. I have it on very good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in The Manager and the Salesman
Jo: Hello.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Jo: Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room?
Dwight K. Schrute: I am treating you the same as a man, for whom I would also not stand. Unless it was the President. Or Judge Judy.
Jo: I like that.