Sue Quote #1021
Sue: I am a finalist for the scholarship!
Frankie: [gasps] Oh, my God.
Mike: What scholarship?
Sue: They're interviewing the top 25 people, and I'm one of them. They think I have a "quality." Can you believe it? I have a "quality"! So, the CEO guy is going to be Skyping me tomorrow night our time because he's overseas. [gasps] Oh, I am Skyping someone overseas! Yeah. Things are happening for me! Oh, how could I ever doubt myself? How could I doubt my posters? You know, I will reach for the stars. I will hang in there, kitty. I will go out on a lim... [falls] Aah!
Sue: I'm okay.
Quote from Axl
Mike: What's your problem?
Axl: You're still treating me like a kid! I don't need you to tell me how to do things anymore. You're telling me all the time. You're making me nuts. And I know I'm the younger lion and I'm challenging you and we're supposed to "lock horns"...
Mike: Lions don't have horns.
Axl: You don't need to tell me that lions don't have horns!
Mike: Well, you just said...
Axl: I know lions don't have horns. I just want to drive my own car.
Mike: Look, I'm older than you. I know you think you know best, but there's still a lot more you have to learn, and it's my job to teach you. It's been my job your whole life!
Axl: Okay, so, is that how it's gonna be, like, forever? 'Cause you'll always be older than me, and Grandpa Big Mike will always be older than you, and there's a guy in Jasper who's like 103. He'll always be older than all of us. Maybe he should drive us home.
Quote from Axl
Mike: I don't like this idea. I don't get dropped places. I drive.
Frankie: Relax, Fred Flintstone. You can drive to your work, and after you get out, I'll drive to mine.
Axl: Why is he Fred Flintstone?
Frankie: Because he's acting like a caveman.
Brick: I thought it's 'cause he works in a quarry.
Axl: I thought she meant 'cause he powers his car with his feet.
Brick: If Fred Flintstone moves the car with his feet, why doesn't he just walk at that point?
Axl: 'Cause if he walks, he can't listen to the radio. They didn't have iPods back then.
Brick: They didn't have radios, either.
Axl: Obviously, you've never seen the show!
Quote from Mike
Mike: Listen... You make sure, when you go in there, you know what you're looking for. You need snow tires 'cause you drive in winter.
Axl: Yes, I know I drive in the winter.
Frankie: [v.o.] Unfortunately, whenever you have two grown men in the house, one has to assert his dominance over the other, and, in our case, it was always gonna be Mike.
[flashback to Axl in the kitchen cooking eggs:]
Mike: [sighs] You're gonna want to kill the heat on that or your eggs will be chewy.
[flashback to Mike reading the paper on the couch as Axl laughs at the TV:]
Mike: [grabs remote] Keep it at 26 for sports, 14 for regular TV.
[flashback to Mike walking on Axl about to brush his teeth:]
Mike: You don't squeeze. You roll. We're not made of toothpaste.
Mike: Now, listen to me, you don't want to set foot in a car dealership until you've done your research and you know your price. We should talk about this.
Axl: Uh, of course we should.
Quote from Film, Friends and Fruit Pies
Mike: Hang on a sec. Where's all this money coming from?
Sue: Well, I've been using my Spudsy's money, and I popped all the quarters out of my 50 states collector's book, and I've been donating plasma. I'm not exactly sure what plasma is, and I don't know if you need it, but, from the way I've been feeling, I'm guessing you do.
Quote from The College Tour
Sue: Hey, Dad... Why do you think the tour guide gave me all these brochures? There's a Cherokee weaving workshop, and here's one on the headdress exhibit at the art museum.
Mike: Hmm, that's weird. They didn't give that stuff to anybody else?
Mike: I don't know. It's not like you're Native American.
Sue: Yes, I am.
Mike: N-no, Sue. You're not.
Sue: Sure, I am. I mean, that's what I put on my forms.
Mike: What? Why did you do that?
Sue: 'Cause I'm a native of America. I'm a native American.
Mike: Sue, now they think you're Native American!
Sue: Right, a native American.
Mike: [sighs] Say, "I'm a native American."
Sue: I'm a native American. Oh! I hear it now. Well, what was I supposed to check? There was no other option that seemed right. It's not like we're "ca-kah-zee-an."
Mike: Actually, Sue, we are.
Sue: What?! Oh, my God, this is horrible! They're gonna think that I tried to pull one over on them, that I lied on my forms, and it says it's a felony to lie on those forms. Oh, my God! I committed a felony! [music box plays] [vomits]
Quote from The Ditch
Frankie: [v.o.] Sue's ditch day wasn't exactly fun yet. But she knew as soon as she intercepted the call from the attendance office, she could really start living. Provided she stayed low to the ground and out of sight.
Sue: [answers phone] Hello?
Woman: This is the Orson High attendance office. May I speak to Frankie Heck, please?
Sue: [British accent] Yes, this is she! [whispers] Why am I British?
Woman: I'm just verifying that Sue Heck is home sick today.
Sue: [British accent] Oh, yes. She is quite sick. Sick as the Dickens, I'm afraid.
Woman: Well, please make sure she brings a note with a parent signature.
Sue: [British accent] A note?
Woman: Yes. It's a requirement anytime a student has been absent.
Sue: [British accent] Very well. A note. I'll add it to my shed-ule. Cheerio!