Brick Quote #1022
Axl: Look, Dad told me to write down chips, and I didn't, and if he finds out I forgot them, he'll never let me hear the end of it, and I really need to hear the end of it because he's been on me like crazy lately, and don't tell me you love Dad's advice!
Brick: Well, he doesn't talk to me.
Axl: Well, then, you're lucky, because he's all up in my business all the time.
Brick: Ah, I see what's going on here. It's nature. The younger male challenging the older male, the older male swiping back. It's two rams locking horns on a mountain, two lions in a pride fighting for dominance. Usually, the younger lion will kill the older lion, and then that lion would have the female lions in the house to mate with.
Axl: Ew! Nature is messed up.
Quote from Axl
Mike: What's your problem?
Axl: You're still treating me like a kid! I don't need you to tell me how to do things anymore. You're telling me all the time. You're making me nuts. And I know I'm the younger lion and I'm challenging you and we're supposed to "lock horns"...
Mike: Lions don't have horns.
Axl: You don't need to tell me that lions don't have horns!
Mike: Well, you just said...
Axl: I know lions don't have horns. I just want to drive my own car.
Mike: Look, I'm older than you. I know you think you know best, but there's still a lot more you have to learn, and it's my job to teach you. It's been my job your whole life!
Axl: Okay, so, is that how it's gonna be, like, forever? 'Cause you'll always be older than me, and Grandpa Big Mike will always be older than you, and there's a guy in Jasper who's like 103. He'll always be older than all of us. Maybe he should drive us home.
Quote from Axl
Mike: I don't like this idea. I don't get dropped places. I drive.
Frankie: Relax, Fred Flintstone. You can drive to your work, and after you get out, I'll drive to mine.
Axl: Why is he Fred Flintstone?
Frankie: Because he's acting like a caveman.
Brick: I thought it's 'cause he works in a quarry.
Axl: I thought she meant 'cause he powers his car with his feet.
Brick: If Fred Flintstone moves the car with his feet, why doesn't he just walk at that point?
Axl: 'Cause if he walks, he can't listen to the radio. They didn't have iPods back then.
Brick: They didn't have radios, either.
Axl: Obviously, you've never seen the show!
Quote from Mike
Mike: Listen... You make sure, when you go in there, you know what you're looking for. You need snow tires 'cause you drive in winter.
Axl: Yes, I know I drive in the winter.
Frankie: [v.o.] Unfortunately, whenever you have two grown men in the house, one has to assert his dominance over the other, and, in our case, it was always gonna be Mike.
[flashback to Axl in the kitchen cooking eggs:]
Mike: [sighs] You're gonna want to kill the heat on that or your eggs will be chewy.
[flashback to Mike reading the paper on the couch as Axl laughs at the TV:]
Mike: [grabs remote] Keep it at 26 for sports, 14 for regular TV.
[flashback to Mike walking on Axl about to brush his teeth:]
Mike: You don't squeeze. You roll. We're not made of toothpaste.
Mike: Now, listen to me, you don't want to set foot in a car dealership until you've done your research and you know your price. We should talk about this.
Axl: Uh, of course we should.
Quote from Hecks on a Train
Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.
Quote from Mommapalooza
Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.
Quote from Flirting with Disaster
Brick: The Silligans come from a drier planet and are a rock-type people, whereas the Vernegos' habitat is a lusher, forest area...
Sue: Brick, enough! You have been droning on and on since we left. I am trying to concentrate. Aunt Edie's car is 3 feet wider than any car I've ever driven.
Brick: Sorry. Well, do you wanna listen to a book on tape?
Sue: Please. [tape rattling]
Brick: [on tape] But Soran would have to navigate the Asteroid belts of Norox without a working Pernovian laser. [whispers] Pernovian laser.
Sue: Is that you?
Brick: Uh-huh! I recorded the entire series on tape. I play them when my eyes are too tired from reading.
Brick: [on tape] As professor Faxon's prophecy foretold, Soran's quest...