Barry: Barry crisis! The Kremps' skeletons are a bigger hit than my ice-cream truck!
Beverly: So you stole them?
Barry: What choice did I have? The truck frightened no one! In fact, I made a small fortune selling Bomb Pops and Push-Ups. Damn my inviting face!
Beverly: Well, you've always been too handsome. But I have to go. Where are my keys?
Barry: Good news, bad news. Your keys are here, but all your tires are on the ice-cream truck.
Beverly: [inhales deeply] What the [bleep] happened?
Barry: Four simultaneous flats. The less you know the better.
Beverly: Then how am I supposed to get out to the shore to save my grandchild's sensitive cheeks?
Barry: Here. [hands over ice cream van keys]
Beverly: Unbelievable.

Geoff: [chuckles] Hello, beautiful! [chuckles] Finally, it's just me and you.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was what Geoff had been dreaming about.
Geoff: [Muriel fussing] It's okay. It's okay. I'm just changing you.
Adult Adam: Until it became a nightmare.
Geoff: Oh, no! I forgot your boom-boom cream! Schwartz bottoms are notoriously chafe-y!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Just when I was feeling bad about my fight with Dave Kim, I ran into a Prince that was feeling even worse.
Adam: Mr. Glascott? Are you okay?
Mr. Glascott: I'm very not. I came in 17th out of 17.
Adam: Sorry to hear that.
Mr. Glascott: There was an Apollonia and a Vanity that both beat me. It never said anything about Prince's muses in the official rules. These people at Prince-o-ween, they run a very loose ship.

Adam: I gotta admit, this is impressive. Where did you even get an ice-cream truck?
Barry: Funny story. The real ice-cream man is in jail for a reason too unspeakable to say out loud.
Beverly: How is that a funny story?
Barry: Funny part is I got it at a police auction for 87 bucks!
Beverly: I think Andy needs more blood on his face. May I?
Barry: Good call. Andy, let my mother sauce you.
Andy: Oh, no, I don't think that's something that... Ok. Oh, she's already started.
Barry: Yes. Yeah. That's better. Mama, sauce the rest of them.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was the day before Halloween, 1980-something, and Geoff and Erica were discovering that they had different parenting styles.
Geoff: [bell dings] Uhp. There's the dinner bell. Time for Muriel's bottle.
Erica: [sleepily] Sha-up! Sleeping mama.
Geoff: Sorry, my slumbering sweetie. I'm just really excited to get a little Q-T with my cutie.
Erica: Shut up! I'll kill you. I'll kill all you.

Geoff: You know what? I'm just gonna remove your monitor.
Beverly: Go ahead. I have many backups.
Geoff: Where?
Beverly: Nowhere. Everywhere. [chuckles] Just know Big Blonde is always watching.
Geoff: And you just know that that's my daughter and I would like to burp her now.
Beverly: Ooh. I already started. And I would hand her over to you, but I'm doing it perfectly. [Muriel burps] Oh! That is the sweet smell of success, and the milk of your lady who was fortified by the milk of me.
Geoff: Legacy milk. I get it.
Beverly: Maybe you can see her after her nap. Unless I get there first, which I will, because, as we've established, I am a force to be reckoned with.

Adam: Bar, why are you doing this again?
Barry: To shame our neighbors and haunt the innocent. Why do I have to keep explaining this?
Adam: Yeah, I'll take that ride, Mr. G.
Mr. Glascott: Huzzah! A companion on the road to the big city! Looks like my mix tape "Jams Just for John" is gonna break in some new ears!
Adam: I'm now wavering.
Mr. Glascott: Huzzah!

Geoff: Honey, how long you gonna be?
Erica: Until all the hot water is gone.
Geoff: But I really need to talk to you.
Erica: Geoff, this is the first shower I've had in a week. I need to wash the spit-up, barf, and baby yak off my body.
Geoff: Aren't those the same thing?
Erica: Yes. No. Maybe? Look, I just need to listen to the sound of the water now, please.
Geoff: But your mom refuses to give me a second with Muriel.
Erica: Oh, you mean so we can take quiet showers, and showers with no talking, and shower with no other people in the room?
Geoff: I get it. She's a huge help, which is great for you, but I feel completely cut out of my child's life.
Erica: I don't know what to tell you, homie. Maybe find some time during the day when she's not around?
Geoff: You mean like when your mom's asleep?
Erica: Sure! That seems like an answer that would send you on your way.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so Geoff took Erica's dismissive advice and found a time to be with his daughter alone: 4:00a.m. [Beverly clears throat]
Geoff: Gah!
Beverly: Looking for someone?
Geoff: Why are you up at this hour?
Beverly: I sensed something was wrong. A grandmother always knows.
Geoff: That's not an expression.
Beverly: Muriel's jammies would beg to differ.
Geoff: Oh, my God. Okay. No more bedazzling the baby. And I want to hold her.
Beverly: Yeah, now's not a good time.
Geoff: But you're holding her.
Beverly: Shh! You're upsetting her. And me. I think it's best you leave.
Geoff: Oh, I'm gonna leave, all right.

Adam: Whoa! Is your roommate a DJ?
Dave Kim: Those turntables are mine. You know how I like to drop a funky beat every so often.
Adam: Like when you play the French horn?
Dave Kim: Oh, my God! Shared history! Hilarious. Let me introduce you to the gang. Tamsin, Brett, Fitz, meet Adam F. Goldberg.