Andy: In fact, I was thinking, we should all have cowboy names. And then at the honky-tonk, that's what we use to talk to each other.
Barry: That's perfect.
Andy: Great! Okay. 'Cause I already got my name... Bronco.
Barry: I'll be Bronco.
Andy: Wait, what?
Naked Rob: I'm feeling like a Tex. It's my very first thought, but I also don't care, 'cause I freakin' love it.
Barry: You got it, Tex.
Naked Rob: Thank you kindly, Bronco.
Andy: Wait, that's my name.
Matt: What about Colt for me?
Barry: It's settled. You're Colt, Naked Rob is Tex, Barry is Bronco, and Andy is Half-Pint.
Andy: Half-Pint? What does that have to do with anything country?

Beverly: Wait, you guys are going out?
Erica: Remember? You're babysitting? We have Lou's dumb eye man award ceremony.
Geoff: He's being honored by the Professional Ophthalmologists of Philadelphia. Yes, the acronym is POOP, and, no, I don't know why they don't change it.
Barry: So Lou's winning a...?
Geoff: You know it's a Poopie.
Barry: And how would you phrase it if he won?
Geoff: [sighs] My dad brought home the Poopie.
Barry: Yeah, worth it.

Beverly: Erica, recent events have caused me to realize that country music is incredibly simple to write and perform.
Erica: That's not even remotely true.
Beverly: Well, I've written a song and I want you to record it, vaulting us both to stardom as a mother-daughter country duo. Give it a whirl.
Erica: I can whirl it into the nearest trash can.
Beverly: I'll finish folding all of Muriel's laundry.
Erica: Ladies and gentlemen, "Bubbe's Waltz." [chuckles] [strumming guitar] ♪ Drove her wagon down to the farm ♪ ♪ Had a cold beer with some hot shrimp parm ♪ ♪ She wears a sweater and bedazzled boots ♪ ♪ She gives nom-noms to her schmoopie-poops ♪ ♪ She's a bubbe baby with a golden mane ♪ ♪ She's a bubbe baby with looks and brains ♪ ♪ She's a bubbe baby with looks and brains ♪
Beverly: What do you think?
Erica: I think I'm an incredible singer, and I still can't make this work.

Barry: Have at it! For your information, Joanne has been taking me line dancing, and since I'm loving and supportive, I have embraced it.
Joanne: Mm!
Matt: Not as much as those jeans have embraced your buttocks and thighs.
Barry: Yes, I do traditionally enjoy a loose trouser that accommodates my thunderous lower half, but these Lee jeans are surprisingly comfy.
Joanne: They hug nice. Jo Jo like.
Naked Rob: Is that a pearl-snap cowboy shirt?
Barry: Good eye, Naked Rob. You can yank it right off like a Sixers warm-up jersey.
Joanne: I've done it. It starts the mood.
Matt: And I see you've chosen a black hat? Does that make you the villain?
Barry: Don't be absurd, Matt Bradley. Does your tie-dye shirt make you the chill, mellow, nice guy?
Matt: It kinda does, yeah.

Naked Rob: Well, I just have one more question... Are there single women at this place?
Joanne: A ton, and they all dress in Daisy Dukes, crop tops, and pigtail braids.
Naked Rob: I wanna be a good ol' boy!
Andy: Me, too!
Matt: Yee-haw... I think!
Joanne: Oh, wait! If you wanna join us, we have to teach you to dance.
Barry: Toes on the line and follow my lead! Channel the pain of a hardscrabble prairie life... Coaster Step into a Lasso Spin!
Joanne: Oh, y'all are naturals!
Andy: Doing things in a line is fun!
Barry: Big finish! Rocking Chair into a Rattlesnake Shimmy! And Heel, Shuffle, Pose!
Matt: Yee-haw!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, hanging with Pop-Pop wasn't super exciting, but it filled the days.
Adam: Need help buckling her in?
Erica: No, we're okay, but are you?
Adam: Oh, yeah. After my nap, I'm gonna split a pear with Pop-Pop.
Geoff: Wow. Sounds pretty jam-packed.
Adam: Tuesdays, am I right?
Geoff: It's Friday.
Adam: Good talk. Uh, uh... see you around the mulberry tree.

Jane Bales: Beverly Goldberg. But who's guarding the bridge if the troll is here?
Beverly: Jane Bales. That's quite an outfit. Is your horse hitched outside? Or are you the horse and Jane is hitched outside? It's all so confusing because you both have, wait for it... horse faces. [neighs]
Jane Bales: Tedious and clumsy, just like you. We're going line dancing. Not something you'd be familiar with, Grandma.
Beverly: Oh, so you heard the incredible news that I created someone who created someone?
Jane Bales: I was referring to your gray, desiccated, listless hair.
Beverly: [scoffs] I can't see any gray. It's blurry.
Linda Schwartz: You really should pick up those bifocals that Lou ordered. [Beverly clears her throat] Is something that I should've said privately.
Jane Bales: Don't worry. This old crone can't hear you unless you shout.

Jane Bales: So, will I see you all tonight at Rhinestones and Roses?
Beverly: Hold up! You guys go line dancing together?
Linda Schwartz: Well, we invited you.
Essie Karp: But you said you were, you know, too tired from being a grandma.
Beverly: I said that?
Virginia Kremp: Your exact words were, "I'm tired. Being a grandma makes me tired. I'm a tired grandma." Well, when you put as much effort into it as I do, it can be tiring because I am not just a good grandma...
Jane Bales: Oh, God, please say it.
Beverly: I am a great grandma.
Jane Bales: [gasps] There it is. Yes, you are a great, great grandma.
Beverly: Damn it! So much unfortunate word play.
Jane Bales: This has honestly been too perfect. So, good luck with your grays, Granny. I'm gonna get out of Frank's way because God knows he's got his work cut out for him. [chuckles] Bye!

Pop-Pop: Okay, I found the perfect job for you... Mortician's assistant.
Adam: Magician's assistant? Saw me in half and pull a rabbit outta my butt, I'm in!
Pop-Pop: Mortician. Their only trick is to pickle dead people so they don't rot too fast.
Adam: Considering I threw up when I saw whatever's going on with your heel, I'm gonna pass.
Pop-Pop: Oh, my. Didn't realize I was splitting an egg cream with the Prince of Persia.

Virginia Kremp: Beverly, so great to see you here! And that "Cowgirl" sweater is adorable.
Beverly: And accurate, because "girl" is what I am. Other words that might go here are "agile," "energetic," "robust," and, of course, "proud American."
Virginia Kremp: Oh, that seems like that would require a lot of rhinestones.