Beverly: Did they entrust the baby to you over me? Over me?
Ow! Ow!

Dana: Read the label.
Beverly: "Lettuce crop child" Oh, that is unfortunate.

Adam: Look, it's not Dana's fault. Please don't fail her. Fail me.
Beverly: No, it's my fault. If you're gonna fail anyone, fail me.
Miss Cinoman: I can't fail you, Mrs. Goldberg. You're an adult. Also, why are you here?
Dana: Yeah, Adam. Why is she here?
Beverly: I'm just trying to help, like any good bubbie would.
Dana: A good bubbie doesn't lose her grandchild.
Beverly: I heard that. Bubbies hear everything.

Erica: This is so brutal.
Beverly: But one day, when you abandon me in an old age home and never visit, you'll look at these pictures and remember how much I loved you.

Beverly: Baby, if you don't eat, then I have failed as a mother.

Beverly: When I die, don't have a funeral. I don't want to take up anyone's time.

Beverly: Movie? I thought we had plans to bedazzle all day.
Erica: I think you might have dreamed that.
Beverly: Well, it's possible, but we're all set up, so let's make those drab clothes sparkle.

Barry: Oh my God, what is that?
Beverly: It's a harlequin clown, riding a unicorn, high fiving a dolphin. Duh.

Barry: Yeah, now I think we're gonna pass on the debazzler.
Beverly: Okay, now you're embarrassing yourself. It's bedazzler, as in regular items become dazzled.

Beverly: So, which boy is lost? His mother must be going insane. Oh, I snuck in some snacks. I've got microwave popcorn, some chips, and a beautiful tomato.
Barry: I don't want a tomato.
Beverly: Well, it's the last day before it turns. Somebody's gonna eat it.