Kitty: Look, Red, the new neighbors are here, and they're a couple of fellows.
Red: Wait a second. You guys live together?
Josh: Yep.
Red: Without any wives or girlfriends?
Jeff: Yep.
Red: You know what I call guys like you?
Kitty: Oh, dear.
Red: Lucky bastards! [chuckles] [Kitty laughs]

Red: Oh, what a game. That quarterback is 11 for 12 with no interceptions. He is hot!
Jeff: Ridiculously hot.
Josh: Oh? Another cookie?
Jeff: What?
Josh: Nothing. I just thought we were trying to slim down for the Bahamas.
Jeff: Well, excuse me, Mr. Two Scoops of Sherbet.
Red: You know, you guys don't need wives. You bicker like an old married couple.
Kitty: [chuckles] Red, I need to talk to you in the kitchen.
Red: Kitty, I'm watching the game.
Kitty: Red.
Red: Oh, fine. You know, I wish there was a bar we could go to where there'd be no women, just guys.
Josh: I know a few.

Red: Okay, Kitty, what is it?
Kitty: Okay, it's about the neighbors. There's something you should know.
Jeff: [o.s.] Touchdown!
Red: Oh, damn it! See what you made me miss?
[When Red opens the kitchen door, he sees Josh and Jeff kissing in celebration]
Red: Kitty, I think those guys are gay!

Kitty: Red, you can't hide from Jeff and Josh all night.
Red: Not all night. Just till they eat all the cookies and decide to skip home.
Kitty: Red Forman. So our neighbors are gay. So what? At least they'll keep the place nice, and our property values will go up.
Red: What am I supposed to say to them now?
Kitty: You've been talking to them the whole game, you knew what to say then.
Red: Well, that was before I saw them kissing in my living room.
Kitty: Didn't bother you last night when you saw Abbott kiss Costello.
Red: Well, that was different. They had to do that to fool the landlord.

Red: Well, what do you say we all sit down and watch the Packers kick the crap out of the Vikings, huh?
Josh: Well, we like the Vikings.
Red: What did you say? You're Viking fans? What the hell is wrong with you? Get out of my house!
Josh: Red, come on, it's not our fault. We're from Minnesota.
Jeff: We were born this way!
Red: Out! Out, sickos! [Josh and Jeff exit]
Kitty: Well, thanks a lot, Red. Now I'll never know what rug ties this room together.

Hyde: Pretty cool, huh? Fifty bucks for 15 minutes' work. That was on a slow day. Imagine what we could make if we set up shop on Betty Grable movie night.
Red: Steven, we're not setting up shop anywhere. All I want to do is get my money back. Just like after I bought Eric that baseball mitt. Dumbass used it as a hat!

Bob: Boy, it was beautiful down there. The ocean, the sunshine, and Disneyworld is a great place to pick up single moms. In fact, I like Florida so much, I'm selling the house and I'm moving there.
Kitty: You're selling your house? What if someone annoying moves in?
Bob: I bought a condo. And get ready for this, I'm gonna open a bait shop.
Red: What a great idea. That way, when the hundreds of other bait shops down there run out of stock, there you'll be.
Bob: So you think I'm stupid because I want to open a bait shop?
Red: No, of course not. I think you want to open a bait shop because you're stupid.
Bob: Well, I didn't come in here to be ridiculed.
Red: Then you shouldn't have worn that shirt. [exits]
Kitty: Red, you need to go over there and apologize to Bob. He came here all excited about his idea and you just made him feel bad about himself.
Red: Yeah, he never saw it coming.

Red: Wow. This design is great. You know the way these condos are laid out, you could spend your entire life and never have to interact with your idiot neighbors.
Kitty: Oh, and look at the street names. Orange Grove Avenue, Grapefruit Lane, Pineapple Road, it's like living in a fruit salad!
Bob: Anyway, I couldn't help but notice, they got 200 brand-new beachfront homes, each with a dock, but no bait shop within five miles.
Red: You can fish of your own pier?
Bob: Uh-huh.
Red: That means you don't have to get your lines tangled up with some dumbass who doesn't know what they're doing.
Kitty: You're the one who invited me.

Red: That Bob and his crazy ideas. We can never move to Florida.
Kitty: Well, it's easy for him to do. But we have real ties here. I'm three piggy stamps away from a free ham at the supermarket.
Red: And I've got responsibilities. Spring's coming up. Who's gonna poison the new batch of squirrels?
Both: Let's move to Florida.
Kitty: You really want to?
Red: Do you?
Kitty: If you do.
Red: I do.
Kitty: Me, too.
Red: Then let's do it.
Kitty: Oh-ho-ho, Red! I am so excited. There is so much to do in Florida, it'll be such an adventure!
Red: No, I just wanna go down there and kind of sit around till we die.

Red: So, through there is the den, back there is the kitchen, and upstairs are the bedrooms.
Man: Could we see them?
Red: Oh, so my word's not good enough?
Man: Well, is there a bathroom upstairs?
Red: No, we just whiz off the roof.