Leo: Hey, honey, I'm home.
Red: Oh, good. The hippie's here.
Leo: Hyde, man, your dad come by lookin' for you, man. Which is really freaky 'cause I thought this bald dude was your dad.

Leo: Hey, man, nice shoes. Are those mine?

Hyde: Hey, Leo, what's in the bag, man?
Leo: How can I put this? Let's just say in this bag are illegal drugs.
Hyde: What? Come on, man. You know I'm on probation!
Leo: Nah, it's cool, man. All you have to do is just not get pulled over. [sirens wail] What did I just tell you, man?

Police Officer: Good evening, gentlemen.
Leo: Is there a problem, "ossifer?"
Police Officer: Did you just say "ossifer?"
Hyde: Uh, no sir, I'm sorry. I distinctly heard him say officer, sir.
Police Officer: Uh-huh. I pulled you over because your left brake light is out. I'm gonna have to write you up a warning.
Leo: Close one, man. [sighs] I thought for sure he was gonna ask what's in the bag.
Police Officer: I'm still right here.
Leo: Uh-oh.
Police Officer: [inspects the bag] Dog food?
Hyde: We were framed! I mean... [blows raspberry] Of course it's dog food. What'd you think it was? Illegal drugs? [chuckles]
Police Officer: All right, weirdos. Drive safe. [walks off]
Hyde: Dog food?
Leo: Yeah. I mean... Oh, wait, man. If the dog food's in this bag, then where's... [gasps] Oh, wow. I gotta check on my dog, man!

Kelso: You guys are so immature.
Hyde: Kelso, why are you squirting water out of your mouth?
Kelso: I was a fountain!
Leo: I totally got it, man. It's art.
[Kelso grabs his photos and runs out]
Leo: Hey, you guys wanna see the other set he brought?

Hyde: Leo, man, this place is a mess.
Leo: Yeah? You should see my garage.
Hyde: This is your garage, man.
Leo: Well, then you see what I mean. It's a mess.

Hyde: Leo, man, there's a car in here. It's an El Camino. Oh, wow.
Leo: Do you think it's mine?
Kelso: The plate says "Leo's."
Leo: No, I mean the car, man. This guy, huh?

Leo: Okay, man, here are the keys.
Kelso: Oh, bitchin'!
Leo: You know, I was gonna give this car to my son on his 16th birthday. But then my old lady took him and split.
Kelso: Yeah, wow. Sad story. Keys, please?
Leo: I can't sell you the car, man.
Kelso: Oh, man! Ah, I guess I understand.
Leo: Thanks, man. Hyde, I want you to have this car.
Kelso: What? No! You just said that you couldn't sell the car.
Leo: Well, I'm not selling it. I'm giving it to him, man. He's family. He's the son I never had.
Kelso: You just said you had a son!
Leo: Yeah, and Hyde's the son I never had.
Hyde: Hey, Leo, man, thanks. You're the best. The car, the love, the wicked burn on Kelso. Hey, man, need a lift?

Fez: My green card. I hid it in my right shoe for safekeeping. I even made up a rhyme so I would remember. [sings] My green card in my right shoe Something, something right shoe...
Eric: So, see, it was just a big misunderstanding.
Hyde: [sighs] Thank God we got that cleared up. We're just gonna grab our beer and head on out of here.
Bryan: Yeah. But you're not gettin' your beer back. Now leave Canada, please.
Leo: You leave Canada, please.

Theo: Look! It's art! I moved everything in this basement two inches to the left.
Kitty: Oh, yeah.
Theo: I call it "Basement - Two Inches to the Left."
Leo: It's wild, huh? I mean, it's like, where are you?
Red: All right. Mrs. Eric's Mother would like you to leave now.
Theo: Okay, you don't get it. But when your life shifts two inches to the left, you're gonna call me. Oh, yes. You are gonna call me.
Leo: And if you like our work, tell your friends, okay?