Leo: Hey, man, you missed your shift at the Fotohut. You better have a damn good excuse.
Hyde: I got busted.
Leo: Damn. That's a good excuse. So what'd they get you for?
Jackie: For loving me.
Leo: [laughs] 'Cause she's, like, 14?
Hyde: I got busted for possession.
Leo: Oh, man. Join the club.
Hyde: Yeah, thanks.
Leo: No. I mean, join the club, man. We meet every Thursday. We're trying to raise money for a field trip to Amsterdam.

Kitty: Here's your tea, Leo.
Leo: Oh, wow, gee. Tea, man. That's, like, exotic. [giggles] Hey, look at me. I'm the king of England! Off with her head. [laughs] Tea.
Kitty: Well, um, I- I think it's great that Steven has a boss who cares enough to- to come over and talk to us on his behalf. So, um, I'm just gonna let you fellas get to know each other. Sit up straight, Leo. [exits]
Leo: Hey, man, I don't think you should kick Hyde out, because he's a good kid.
Red: He's a doper.
Leo: Well, you say that like it's a bad thing, man. Hey, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I've indulged once or twice myself.
Red: Really? I'm shocked.
Leo: Yeah, I know. Upstanding businessman. Last guy you'd expect. But it's true, man.
Red: Well, Mr. Hippie. If you say so, that's good enough for me.
Leo: Oh, that's great, man. [lays down on the couch] Now, please, get out of my house.

Leo: Oh, wow, man. Look at all these different nuts intermingling in one bowl. It's like "Nutstock," man.
Red: Kitty, I think we should rethink our "Don't Throw Leo Out On His Ass" policy.

Leo: I saw a U.F.O. once, man. It was awesome. It just hung in the air. Then it sent me a message in big, bright yellow letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.
Hyde: Did this, by any chance, happen at a football game?
Leo: Yeah, man. And the weird thing was, I was the only one freaking out about it. Wait a second. Good year? Ah, it was a terrible year, man. Stupid aliens.

Eric: How cool am I? A tattoo of my girlfriend's name. How's that for dangerous?
Leo: Yeah, I think Debbie's really gonna like this.
Eric: Wait. Debbie? No. Donna.
Leo: Right. Okay. No problem. I can fix it.
Eric: Fix what?
Leo: Relax. Debbie will never notice it.
Eric: It's Donna.
Leo: See, now you moved, man! It's okay. I can make that into a flower.

Fez: Oh, you know what you should get? Boobs. Big boobs on your butt.
Hyde: That's classy.
Leo: Hey, I can turn the B's into boobs.
Eric: Wait. What B's?
Leo: Like in Debbie, your girlfriend?
Eric: It's Donna!
Leo: Oh, right. Oh, I can fix that.

Leo: Hey, dudes.
Hyde: Leo, man, what are you doin' here?
Leo: Sitting. What are you doin' here?
Hyde: We're goin' to Canada to buy beer.
Leo: Canada? Cool. I spent some time up there during 'Nam.
Eric: Oh, conscientious objector, huh?
Leo: No. I didn't mind. Hey, a road trip sounds good, man. But I don't want nothing to do with that beer. That stuff will mess with your mind, man.

Eric: Leo, I... I need to return this.
Leo: Hey, man, I only said it was gold, not real gold.
Eric: No, it's Donna and I broke up.
Leo: What? What happened to the love, man?
Eric: Well, I don't really feel like...
Leo: No! If you kids can't make it, who can? Tell me, who? Why, God, why?!

Leo: You sure you wanna get in the Fotohut game? It can chew you up and spit you out like a stick of gum. Or something that seemed edible till you put it in your mouth and then you realized it's not. Or a stick of gum.
Fez: What kind of gum?
Leo: Big Red.
Fez: Oh, that's fine.
Leo: Okay, you're hired. But you're on probation. No, wait. I'm on probation. Oh, wow. I gotta go see my probation officer.
Fez: So he's my new boss?
Hyde: Welcome to paradise.

Leo: I don't like what's goin' on here, man. That little dude's making us all look bad. I'm afraid the boss is gonna fire me.
Hyde: Leo, you are the boss.
Fez: [through the window] Did you fire him yet? I'll take his shifts.
Leo: Hey, dude, man. I think we decided that you're fired.
Fez: Oh. Well, that's a cold slap in the groin. How am I supposed to afford my new boots?
Leo: Here. Just do what I do, man. Just get some money out of the register when the boss isn't looking.
Hyde: Once again, Leo, you are the boss.
Leo: And I'm not looking.