Laurie: Well, I'll see ya. I'm gonna go meet some friends behind the bowling alley.
Eric: Laurie, we're supposed to go to church.
Laurie: Oh, we're supposed to go to church. Stop being such a little girl and do something bad for once.

Pastor Dave: Okay, does anyone have a question about the Bible?
Laurie: I do. Do you have your own place?

Laurie: Oh, you again. What happened? Did they let out kindergarten early today?
Jackie: Whatever.
Laurie: Jackie, don't you have a lame comeback saved for just this very occasion?
Jackie: That's cool.
Laurie: Oh, so now you're Little Miss Cool, huh?
Jackie: Whatever.
Laurie: Well, if you're really as cool as you think you are, you would've been able to hold on to your one true love. But you couldn't, could you? Loser! Oh, well.
[Jackie lunges at Laurie]
Fez: Catfight!

Kelso: It's Red! Run for it!
Red: Freeze!
Laurie: Daddy, thank God you came. They were kidnapping me!

Kitty: So, how'd it go? Did- Did you feed the birds?
Laurie: Well, uh... Yeah. I mean, I think I did.
Kitty: Well, either you did or you didn't.
Laurie: Well, you didn't either, and you didn't even get pooped on. Now, go feed your own stupid birds.

Kitty: Laurie, her mother is waiting.
Laurie: I don't care. I love her, and I'm not giving her back! [Kitty holds a hairdryer] What are you doing with that?
Kitty: Give me back the baby, missy, or, so help me the dryer goes down.
Laurie: You wouldn't.
Kitty: I would.
Laurie: Fine, fine. Take her. [holds her hairdryer] Shh, baby. You're okay now.

Laurie: Look! The reason I haven't done anything with my life is because I didn't know what I wanted to do.
Kitty: Well, the post office has a dental plan that's supposed-
Laurie: Shh! But, Daddy, you forced me to sit down and think about it. And now, I have found my passion! Hair!
Kitty: The musical?
Laurie: No! Hair! I'm going to beauty school!
Kitty: This isn't something you do through the mail, is it?
Laurie: No, it's a real school.
Kitty: Oh, well, yay! [chuckles]
Red: Congratulations, sweetheart. [Laurie exits] So, Kitty, what do you think?
Kitty: Eh.
Red: Yeah.

Laurie: You hate it, don't you?
Kitty: No, no. It's interesting. I mean, just... Just look at all this body. I must... I bet I'm... I'm like... I'm four inches taller. [chuckles]
Laurie: I never should've gotten into this. I'm not good at anything.
Kitty: No, no, no. I like it, Laurie.
Laurie: Really? [Kitty nods] Thanks, Mom. Now all you need is a cut.
Kitty: No, no. No, no. No. Length- Length is good. Length is good. [Laurie picks up a pair of scissors] Drop 'em.

Laurie: See? Your cuticles look better already. Proper nail care is one of the easiest things to overlook.
Red: Uh-huh. Real good.
Laurie: Oh, gosh, Daddy. I didn't know you were a bleeder.
Red: I'm not.
Laurie: Um, could you apply some pressure to this while I go get some paper towels?

Red: So you lied to me about school.
Eric: Now, it wasn't a lie so much as a misdirection, really.
Red: We'll talk about this later. Well, Laurie, looks like a seat just opened up for you. Come on over and grab a biscuit.
Laurie: Forty-two minutes and I'm back on top.