Red: What the hell is wrong with your muffler?
Eric: I didn't notice anything. Maybe I was too busy enjoying my morning ice cream. That's right, my morning ice cream. Part of my new "year off" philosophy, I want a treat, I get a treat.
Donna: We haven't even had lunch yet. Eric never eats dessert before a meal. He used to say, "When I finish my peas, I can eat what I please."
Kitty: [giggles] I taught him that. I also taught him, "Eat your asparagus or people will stare at us." It's not true but he was little.
Red: Good Lord, is that bubblegum ice cream?
Eric: Well, it's not simply bubblegum ice cream, it's frosty double-bubble blast-off.
Red: Why are you with him?
Donna: I find him whimsical.
Kitty: So do I.
Eric: Isn't that nice? They find me whimsical.

Red: Have you checked your muffler lately?
Eric: I'm gonna be honest with you, I haven't. But that green, liquid stuff under the hood seems to be at a really healthy level.
Donna: [whispers] Coolant.
Eric: Donna, I think I can handle this, okay? You cool it.
Red: All right, that's it. We're going to the muffler shop. This whole family is gonna learn a little lesson in muffler care today.
Kitty: Well, it's not a trip to Europe, but at least I get out of the house.
Eric: Wait a second. You're not just tricking me into the car and really taking me to the pediatrician for a booster shot, are you?
Red: No.
Eric: Good. 'Cause that only works twice.

Jackie: So, Steven, did you have a good time when you went out with your new dad?
Hyde: Yeah, it was all right.
Jackie: Well, have you called him yet?
Hyde: No.
Jackie: I know if I went out with a boy and he didn't call me after three days, I'd know he wasn't interested.
Hyde: Well, Jackie, my dad and I aren't dating. We're a father and an illegitimate son.

Kelso: Great news, I had a baby, and it's a girl!
Fez: Oh, man, fantastic.
Hyde: Congratulations, man.
Jackie: See, Michael, I'm trying to be happy for you but your hair is making it really hard. What happened?
Kelso: Well, I was waiting for Brooke to have the baby, right? And I was chewing gum, and then I decided that I wanted to blow a bubble as big as my head. And then I did, and then you can probably figure out the rest of the story.

Kelso: Hey, I brought cigars to celebrate.
Hyde: Sweet.
Jackie: Fun.
Fez: I love cigars.
[circle:]
Fez: I hate cigars.
Hyde: This is way worse than what we usually do in the circle. It tastes disgusting, it smells rank, it doesn't even make stuff funny. This should be illegal.
Kelso: I hate this. It's like smoking a dirty sock, only easier.
Jackie: [blows smoke] I love cigars. I'm good at everything.
Fez: I just threw up a little.

Red: "Out of business"? I can't believe it. I loved this place. How could this happen?
Kitty: Red, it's not your ancestral home.
Red: Well, what kind of a town is this anymore, if we don't even have a muffler shop?
Eric: A loud one. [chuckles]
Kitty: Okay, cheer up. Maybe this is good news. Ooh, what if something fun opens up here next, like a button shop. [laughs] We could come here as a family and just dig and dig through big drawers of buttons. I think it sounds fun.

Donna: Okay, you know that I'm digging the new, whimsical Eric, but don't you think you could find a prank that isn't highly offensive to women?
Eric: Donna, you're asking me to play tennis without a racket here.
Donna: Okay, what if you took "M-U-F" off the front of "muffler" so the sign says stuff about "flers," right? That's French for flowers, and people will be really mad if they thought it was a French flower shop. Huh? Yeah, that sucks, yours is funny. Go.

Hyde: "Trade in your used muffler." [places hand on sign over "ler"] It's brilliant.
Fez: He's right. I am delighted and disgusted at the same time. It's just nice to finally feel that way when I'm not alone.

Hyde: Hey, let me ask you guys a question about my dad.
Eric: Shoot.
Hyde: How often are you supposed to talk to the man who impregnated your mom before she married the man you thought was your father?
Eric: Um, I could check with some folks in Kentucky and get back to you.
Fez: I could give you the number of some first cousins who got married.
Hyde: Thanks, man, I don't really wanna talk to your parents.
Fez: Ah, good burn.

Donna: Look at you, with your bright eyes and your rosy cheeks. I think vandalism really agrees with you.
Eric: Well, Donna, I think I've really turned a corner here. I'm tough, I'm gritty... Okay, I've got paint under my fingernails. I may need to borrow my mother's manicure set.
Donna: No, leave it. It makes you look dangerous. Like... like you don't even know what a manicure set is.