Eric: Ta-da! Happy anniversary!
Donna: Oh, my God. Wow, they're beautiful. I got you something, too. Here, open it.
Eric: Oh, my God. It's a watch. And it's all digital and stuff! Oh, gee, look at that. You had it engraved.
Donna: What, you don't like it?
Eric: No. No, I love it. It's just... Man, you spent a lot of money on this.
Donna: Yeah, which means you better start putting out. [Eric is silent] Okay, it's kind of hard to be a tease if you're not playing along.

Donna: So what are you guys doing?
Hyde: We're playing Candy Land.
Fez: And I'm stuck in the Marshmallow Mountain again.
Donna: Where's Eric?
Hyde: I don't know. He's searching the house. He can't find his money stash.
Donna: It's not in the Candy Land box?

Jackie: So, Donna, you want to go see my gown?
Donna: Let's go.
Fez: Oh, I will help. I have a way with women's' hair. [Hyde and Kelso laugh] Let's go, girls.

Kelso: Okay, Jackie, let's get to work. [chuckles]
Jackie: Well, Michael, we've already done a lot. I mean, I decided on this dress, and Fez is gonna do my hair.
Kelso: All right. But I'm gonna tell you something, Jackie. I've seen pictures of his people and they aren't pretty.
Fez: Bite me, pageant boy.
Kelso: Coach. All right, fine. I guess we could use the help. Fez, you can handle Jackie's body and I'll take care of her mind.

Eric: So that only leaves one person. I mean... He does live in the basement.
Kitty: Oh, okay, now, if you are talking about Steven, I'm gonna get mad. He is a good apple and he is your friend and you can trust him.
Eric: Can I? I mean... No, Mom, I hate thinking this. It's just... It all adds up. I mean, if not Hyde, then who?
Kitty: Well, it could be... Okay, you know what? I do not want to talk about this anymore.
Eric: Okay. Oh. Here comes a dumb question. Uh, I wasn't a mistake, was I?
Kitty: Oh, for... For... Okay! Who wants some cocoa?

Kelso: Okay, Jackie, in 30 seconds or less, what do you hope to accomplish as Miss Dairy Princess? Go! [mimics clock ticking]
Jackie: Um... Um... Um...
Kelso: [mimics alarm ringing] You just lost, lady!
Jackie: Michael, I was thinking.
Kelso: Oh, really? Well, in 1974, Miss Alabama started thinking. Do you know where she is now? Alabama.
Jackie: Ew! God, Michael, I don't want to accomplish anything. I just want the title so I can lord it over people.
Kelso: That's all I want, too, Jackie. Okay, so the next category's talent.
Jackie: I can sing.
Kelso: Oh, no, you can't.

[circle:]
Eric: So... Boy, am I disappointed. I went to get my money, but someone stole it. So forget the fake gold necklace from Sears. Now I gotta get Donna a crappy gift.
Kelso: Hey, what would you guys rather see Jackie do, walk a tightrope or ride a mechanical bull?
Hyde: Well, either way, she'll fall on her ass, so I like 'em both.
Fez: So, Eric, which rat bastard do you think stole your money?
Eric: Well, I mean, it's anyone's guess. For all I know, I mean, it could be someone in this very room.
Fez: How exciting. A mystery. Is Fez a suspect?
Eric: Yeah, probably not, Fez.
Fez: Why not? I can be evil. I hate you. See? Oh, Eric, I don't hate you. I love you. I'm sorry.
Eric: That's okay, Fez. And, uh, I'm also pretty sure Kelso here didn't take it.
Kelso: [laughs] Hey, how long do you guys think Jackie could hold her breath?

[circle:]
Hyde: Gee, Inspector. So if it isn't Kelso and it isn't Fez, I wonder who you could suspect? Dillhole.
Fez: Uh-oh.
Eric: Hyde, I didn't say you took it.
Kelso: [laughs] Hey, you guys know what a funny word is? Pickle-weasel!
Hyde: Forman, then say I didn't take it.
Fez: You are both bringing me down.
Eric: Hyde, why don't you just say you didn't take it?
[Kelso is still laughing when the camera pans to him]
Hyde: I shouldn't have to say I didn't.
[An uncomfortable Fez is biting his nails when the camera pans to him]
Eric: Look, just tell me you didn't and I'll totally trust you.
Kelso: You know what's a funny word? Pickle-weasel!
Hyde: How about I tell you this? Go to hell, Forman!
Kelso: Oh, my God! Jackie should clog dance! We can't lose!

Eric: Donna, I was going to get you something really great, but...
Donna: Yeah, I heard about the crime spree in Candy Land.
Eric: Yeah. Oh! You want to see a picture of what I was going to get you?
Donna: Sure. You were gonna get me that? Oh, my God, that's so pretty. What do you think, by Christmas maybe, if you save your money?
Eric: Donna.
Donna: Well, Eric, after seeing this, I mean, I hate these crappy flowers.
Eric: I know. I didn't want to give you crappy flowers.
Donna: I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I love the flowers. But, you know, maybe if I return that watch, I can get this for myself. Give me the watch back!
Eric: No way!
Donna: Give me it!
Eric: Come and get it!

Red: Wait a minute. You accused Steven of stealing your money?
Eric: Well, yeah, but to be fair, Dad, that was before I found out you stole it. Which brings up why you didn't ask me, and also, you know, you could've told me. Well, you could've.
Red: Okay. I'm sorry that I took some money out of your little box. When I feed you and clothe you and put a roof over your head. Sorry. Now, how could you do that to Steven? He's your best friend.
Eric: Well, he made a move on Donna.
Hyde: Oh, come on.
Red: Okay. Well, then, there's only one thing that we can do. Nine rounds of bare-knuckle boxing. Come on. Help me move the couch.
Eric: Wait, uh, Dad, I don't...
Red: Oh, no, no, no. I'll referee. Believe me, when it's over, you'll both feel great. I know I will.
Hyde: Red...
Red: Look. If you're not mad enough to bare-knuckle box, then you're not mad. Now, both of you need to just get the hell over it.