Jackie: Oh, my God. You guys. Guess who's gonna be in the Miss Dairy Princess Pageant?
Fez: Oh, I know. A cow?
Jackie: No. Me!
Donna: A beauty pageant?
Jackie: Yeah! I mean, look, Donna, it's not enough that we know I'm prettier than everyone else. I want the world to know!
Donna: And what better way to do it than go on stage and parade around like a piece of meat?
Jackie: I know! I know!

Hyde: Man, a beauty coach? What's goin' on with you?
Kelso: When Jackie wins this pageant, I am gonna be the guy with the hottest chick of all of the hot chicks.
Hyde: Yeah, Kelso, that's genius.
Kelso: Yeah, just picture it.
[fantasy:]
Bob Eubanks: And this year's Miss Dairy Princess is... Kelso's girlfriend!
Kelso: Yes! [giggles] Oh, thank you! Thank you. Thank you, Bob Eubanks.
Bob Eubanks: Mr. Kelso, now that you've been crowned, what's going to be your first order of business?
Kelso: Well, as Mr. Dairy Princess, I would like to give milk products to all of those in need. And then someday, I would like to rule an entire hot chick dairy kingdom! Settle down, girls. There's plenty of me to go around here.

Eric: So, if you'll all please avert your eyes, I have to, uh, get my secret stash of cash.
Hyde: What, you mean your Candy Land stash?
Eric: My Can... I don't keep my money in the... Candy Land box.
Fez: You moved your money from the Candy Land box?
Eric: Oh, shut up and turn around! Oh, my God, you guys. Someone stole all my money.
Fez: From Candy Land? How could such a sad thing happen in such a happy place?