Eric: So, guys, tomorrow is the anniversary of Donna's and my first kiss. And just for that, I'm gonna give her something really special.
Fez: You've been trying to give her that for a year, and so far...
Eric: Not that. Something nice.
Hyde: Forman, man, trust me, okay? Just pick her some flowers. The fact that you even remembered will guarantee you some action.
Fez: And who doesn't love the action, huh?

Eric: Check out this necklace.
Hyde: Wow, man, is that real gold?
Eric: No.
Fez: Real diamonds?
Eric: No. But it costs 60 bucks.
Fez & Hyde: Nice!

Jackie: And get this, Michael is gonna be my pageant boy! [Fez and Hyde laugh]
Hyde: Pageant boy.
Kelso: Jackie, I am not a pageant boy. I'm a beauty coach.
Hyde: Yeah, that's a lot better, Kelso.

Jackie: So? So what do you think?
Fez: Jackie, if you want to win, that dress has to be a lot shorter. [claps] Give to Fez.

Kelso: Beauty pageant, here we come! [engine splutters]
Fez: Aw, you ran out of gas, you idiot.
Jackie: You forgot to get gas?
Kelso: God, Jackie, someone had to hem your outfit for the clog dance.
Jackie: Michael, I told you, I'm not doing a clog dance! God, your stupid van has ruined my life!
Kelso: Your life? What about my life?
Jackie: What about your life?
Kelso: Jackie, we are a team. And part of being a team is that you have to do exactly what I tell you. You know, Jackie, there is no "U" in "teamwork"! [storms out]

Jackie: I don't know, Fez, maybe Michael was right. Maybe I don't have what it takes to win the pageant by myself.
Fez: That is nonsense. You are pretty and nice and talented and sweet, and everything good in the whole world is you.
Jackie: I know, I know. That's what I told Michael. But then he said...
Fez: Who cares what Michael said? He was using you for your beauty so he could become popular. He makes me sick.
Jackie: God. I never thought of it that way.
Kelso: [opens van door] Okay, Jackie. I've had some time to think, and, uh... I'm still disappointed in you. But I'm willing to talk about...
Jackie: Okay, stop. Michael, stop. I've been talking to Fez, and I have only one thing to say to you. I love you!
Fez: What?
Jackie: See, Michael, you must have really believed in me to think you could ride my coattails to the top.
Kelso: Oh, baby. Come here.
Jackie: Mmm.
Fez: Okay, get off me, both of you. You make me sick.

Hyde: Hey, what are you doin', Red?
Red: Ah, I borrowed Eric's Candy Land money to pay for the water heater.
Hyde: You, uh, you took Eric's money?
Red: Shh. He doesn't know a thing about it. It's back now. He'll be none the wiser. [Eric enters] Hey, hey! How ya doin'? [Red exits]

Eric: Uh, Dad, Hyde said you took my money?
Red: Oh, yeah. I was a little short on the water heater. Thanks for helping out.
Eric: [to Hyde] Good news, buddy. You're cleared.
Hyde: Why don't you get bent, man?

Eric: Once again, Red's simple, earthy wisdom saves the day.
Hyde: Yeah, ain't he a peach?
Eric: Look, Hyde. I just... God, I am so sorry.
Hyde: You know what, man? You either forgive me for what happened with Donna, or you don't. You can't keep throwing that in my face.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Um, it's over. I'm never gonna bring it up again. I promise.
Hyde: Yeah, all right. [they shake hands] Whoa. Man, she got you this watch, and all you got her were those crappy flowers? You loser!
Eric: You're the loser.