Jackie: What are you doing?
Eric: I'm throwing out all my comic books. I saw my future today, and, well, it's living with its mother.
Jackie: Yeah, well, I saw my future and it sweats.
Eric: Okay. Hold on. You sweat? Uh, would you happen to have a picture, some tape of this that I could laugh at?
Jackie: Eric, I tried to have my own TV show, and I failed. My life is over. I'm not good enough to be on TV.
Eric: No, Jackie. Okay, come on. You're good-looking, you're incredibly superficial and you lie constantly. I think you're perfect for TV.
Jackie: Do you really think so?
Eric: Yeah. I mean, jeez, look, at least you're doing something with your life. I have wasted an entire year.
Jackie: Eric, let me stop you right there. Okay? Since you were kind enough to cheer me up when my spirits were low, I'm gonna go. Thanks.

Hyde: Hey, Forman, let me ask you a question. What do you think about me and Jackie?
Eric: Well, man, you know what I think. I think that Jackie is evil incarnate. I think that if you were to cut off one of her hands, it would probably grow back into another Jackie. Look, before Jackie, you were just some pissed-off guy in my basement. But with her... I mean, you seemed happy, man.
Hyde: Hey, I was never happy. I was just less pissed off.

Eric: Okay, that's it. I'm going. Uh, I'll miss you.
Kitty: Well, thank you, sweetie.
Donna: Um, I think he was talking to me.
Kitty: He was not. Eric, who were you talking to?
Donna: Yeah, who?
Red: It's times like this I usually fake chest pains.
Eric: Uh, I was talking to... the prettiest girl in the driveway, that's who. [Kitty and Donna chuckle]

Eric: [to video camera] Greetings, gentle viewer. Road trip update. About to change a flat tire, which, uh... Which reminds me of a little joke. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a flat tire? Well, see, first the tire has to really want to change. [chuckles] Good one.

Eric: You know what? These guys would be the perfect people to interview for my movie.
Leo: Where's your camera?
Eric: Eh, it's so heavy.

Eric: Okay, Donna, I'm gonna go upstairs and change into something sexy. Now either you come join me in 60 seconds, or I'm gonna have to start without you, and we both know how awkward it is when you walk in on that.

Donna: I think she's out.
Eric: Well, in that case...
Donna: Eric, we can't do that with her in here.
Eric: What? Come on. She's fast asleep. And it's been over a week for us. Donna, you can only keep the tiger in its cage for so long. Yeah, that's right. I'm calling it a tiger now.
[later:]
Donna: Crap, the baby's awake.
Eric: No, no, no, no, no. Hey, Betsy, close your eyes because Aunt Donna and Uncle Eric are gonna do it.
Donna: Eric, you are seriously disturbed. We have to take care of her.
Eric: No, no, come on. She's fine. You can't put the tiger back in his cage now, Donna. He's all agitated.
Donna: How can a crying baby not turn you off?
Eric: Two words, Donna, eight teen. Nothing turns me off.

Kitty: Well, I think you would make a great godparent, Eric. You were so sweet with your pet fish. Remember, you'd feed it potato chips and say, [British accent] "Look, everybody, fish and chips."
Red: All I remember is flushing it down the toilet when he killed it. Who takes a fish out of the tank?
Eric: I just needed to hug something.

Eric: I can't believe he doesn't think we're gonna last. It's... I mean, you don't think he's right, do you?
Donna: Well, I don't know. We have, kind of, been drifting this last year.
Eric: No. No, not drifting, you know, exploring.
Donna: Exploring is drifting, Eric.
Eric: Oh, you know what? This is all your fault. You're always saying that something is something else. God, it's like you're a big, blonde thesaurus.
Donna: Well, excuse me for knowing words, Eric.
Eric: Okay, you know what? This fight keeps going nowhere and you wanna know why? We are actually freaking out over something that Kelso said. Kelso, the guy who doesn't understand how hot dogs survive in the wild without eyes.
Donna: Okay, so you're not... You're not worried then?
Eric: No. I don't know, maybe a little bit, but I'll tell you what. I'm gonna find a job.
Donna: Great. And I am gonna dye my hair back.
Eric: No. Oh, no, no, the blonde stays. I'm still using it.

Jackie: Eric, I feel kind of bad. You wouldn't even be thinking about this kind of stuff if you weren't caught in the blinding light of my bright future.
Fez: You know, the scary thing is, if one year went by this fast, imagine where Eric is gonna be in 10 years.
[fantasy: "Eric's Crappy Future Ten Years Later":]
Eric: Thanks for going with me to the Star Trek convention, Uhura.
Donna: You can call me Donna now.
[reality:]
Kelso: That's good, Fez, but I think it's gonna be more like this.
[fantasy:]
Eric: Thanks for going with me to the Star Wars convention, Leia.
Donna: You can call me Donna now.
[reality:]
Hyde: No, man. You're both wrong. Actually, it's gonna go like this.
[fantasy:]
Eric: Thanks for going with me to the Star Wars convention, Leia.
Kitty: You can call me Mom now.
[reality:]
Eric: Whoa.
Donna: Eric, they're joking around. It's funny.
Eric: No, Donna, it's not funny. In fact... It's completely possible!