Aly: I think at our kid's party, we go cash bar. Cash bar would solve a lot of problems.

Aly: Why have you been so casual about that? This is crazy, babe. W-What are you doing just sitting there? Get a chair. Help me get off my feet. We've got the beginning of our family in here.
Winston: Baby, can I get you anything? Anything at all?
Aly: Yes!
Winston: Like what?
Aly: Everything.
Winston: Coming right up.

Cece: You know, I can't believe it's been a year. I mean, Winston's handled this really well.
Aly: Too well. He hasn't cried once.
Schmidt: He hasn't had the cry yet?
Aly: If he doesn't have the cry today, I'm worried he's gonna have a full mental breakdown.

Winston: You hear that?
Jess: Hear what?
Winston: I hear a meow.
Cece: You hear a meow?
Winston: Shh!
Aly: Oh, God, he's not gonna cry, he's gonna go insane.
Winston: Wait, wait, wait. I-I'm sorry... I'm hearing something. I hear a cat, and it is in distress. There is a cat in the building, and it needs me! Meow!

Winston: I guess I just been keeping things bottled up a little too tight. [cat meowing]
Aly: Shh. Okay, I can't even believe I'm saying this, but I think I hear a cat.
Winston: Come on, now.
Aly: No, I'm serious. Listen. [meowing]
Nick: Well, I did not see that coming.
Schmidt: It's coming from the couch.

Schmidt: Can you two please tell us why you summoned us here?
Winston: Thank you for coming. It is appreciated, especially since Aly is on bed rest. We brought you here today to choose a godparent.
Jess: Oh, yes! Sorry. I'm sorry. Carry on.
Winston: Now, on my side, we have my entire network of good friends. Friends so close, I consider them family.
Aly: And on my side, we have Leslie.
Leslie: I'm all she's got.

Winston: Leslie, you may face the wall.
Leslie: Ha-ha-ha! Suck it, bitch!
Jess: Leslie, you lost.
Leslie: [grunts]
Aly: Leslie is confused.
Winston: And now the moment of truth. Jessica Day, will you be our baby's godmother?
Jess: Yes, I will. Why is Leslie still dancing?
Aly: Leslie.

Aly: Winston once bought me a Canadian Mountie uniform.
Cece: No, he did not.
Aly: Not to be graphic, but he destroyed it in seconds.

Cece: Idea. Once I am finished with your hair, no one's gonna notice anyway, okay?
Jess: Oh! Nothing that covers my shoulders. I want to make sure I leave room for the parrot.
Joan Day: It's the curse. I told you.
Cece: She slipped in the shower and scratched her cornea on a dog toy. That could happen to anyone.
Aly: Hey. People on one side of the aisle won't even notice.

Jess: Oh, God, I look like a prostitute from an Old West movie that everybody calls Winks.
Aly: Oh, my gosh, I actually arrested a prostitute named Winks once.
Jess: Was she pretty?
Aly: She was a good person, but she had her demons, like we all do. We don't need to talk about Winks.