Natalie: Oh, God. Oh, no! The poor thing.
Adrian Monk: The missing woman?
Sheriff Fletcher: I owe Dolly a big apology. This is, or was Marge Larkin.
Natalie: Where's her face?
Dr. Garcia: Coyotes, probably. She's been five days, maybe six in the sun.
Adrian Monk: She was a hiker?
Sheriff Fletcher: Marge was a lot of things. She, she came into a little bit of money a few years ago when her parents died, and so she just dabbled in all kinds of things. Yoga, spelunking, trout farming.
Dr. Garcia: And apparently hiking.
Natalie: Where's her face?
Adrian Monk: We already talked about the face, okay?

Adrian Monk: Okay, does everybody have pizza?
First cop: There's nothing on it.
Adrian Monk: I know! I ordered plain.
First cop: Not even cheese?
Adrian Monk: I ordered extra plain. No fuss, no muss. And use your coasters. All right, the large coasters go under the small coasters. And there's trash bags in the kitchen. Everybody gets one, I put your names at the top.
Mike: Monk, there's a bathroom in the bathroom.
Adrian Monk: Where do you want me to put it, Mike? In the kitchen?

Adrian Monk: It's not straight.
Natalie: Ha! The bubble's right in the middle.
Adrian Monk: The level's broken.
Natalie: The level is not broken, Mr. Monk. It can't be broken. It's a bubble on a stick. You have two levels?
Adrian Monk: I use this level to check the other levels. It's my level-checking level.
Julie Teeger: How do you know that one's not broken?
Adrian Monk: That's a good question. I take my level-checking level to the hardware store twice a year to have it recalibrated.

Adrian Monk: You see them? Fluids.
Maid #1: Fluids?
Adrian Monk: Bodily fluids. I'm gonna need everything scrubbed. S-Scrubbed. How do you say "scrubbed"?
Maid #1: Scrubbed.
Adrian Monk: Scrubbed. The curtains, the carpeting. And did you bring bleach?
Maid #2: Bleach?
Adrian Monk: Bleach! The white God. Dios blanco. Good. That's good. Okay, take your time. Don't worry. I'll pay extra. Whatever it takes.
Rita Bronwyn: Don't you worry, partner. They're a team of experts. I'm going downstairs to look for the stiff. Good luck, ladies.
Adrian Monk: Good luck, ladies. And God be with you.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, it's me. It's Natalie. How are you feeling?
Adrian Monk: Ah, my leg! Ah, my legs! They don't match!
Natalie: I know. I know they don't, Mr. Monk. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I feel just terrible.
Adrian Monk: Good.
Natalie: I talked to the surgeon. And guess what? You have 100 stitches. An even 100. I thought that was nice of him. And, I brought you some new clothes, so you don't have to worry about that. Oh, daisies. 100 daises.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. I can watch them die. And they can do the same for me.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What's that? "It looks like her number came up."
Lieutenant Disher: It's a zinger. She's a lotto girl. Her number came up. Get it? You remember last year Sergeant Beecham shoved that junkie into a lamp post, and he said, "I'll keep you posted."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, yeah. I heard about that.
Lieutenant Disher: Everybody heard about it. I mean, people were repeating it. It was famous. This is even better. This is a classic.
Captain Stottlemeyer: If you say so.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I just need to find the right moment.

Natalie: There's nobody out there.
Lieutenant Disher: No. Wait. No, there is somebody out there. And I know he's watching. I can feel it, you son of a bitch. He's looking right at this thing. Oh, I hate this guy.
[Outside, "Call 911 U Silver Bastar" crawls across the ticker. After the living statue's watch beeps, he climbs off his podium and pulls out his cell phone.]
Living Statue: Yeah, I'm here at Vincent Place, in front of the bank. I think you better get down here.